Last week I bought KellyLevatino.com. I've spent some time making it pretty, and now I'm taking this blog over there. Go check it out, have a look around, and make yourself comfortable. Also, please notify your readers, your feeds, your links, your family, your neighbors, your friends and any strangers you encounter that I've moved.
See you over there!
Kelly
6.09.2011
6.07.2011
The Kind of Ultimatum God Loves
My four year old is an endless fountain of questions. The other day she asked me why it is summer. I was stumped. (Seriously, what would YOU have said?!) So I gave my stock answer, "Because it is." She was satisfied not because that was a stellar explanation but because her mind had already moved on to her next question.
"What if there was no white?" she inquired.
"Huh?" I said.
"What if there was no white in the world and no other colors either?"
I was silent, so she prompted me again.
"What if, Mom?"
"Uhhh, I dunno."
"I think then we'd have no town."
Silence.
"Don't you think we'd have no town, Mom?"
Questions. Lots of questions.
Most are unanswerable, either because they are too theoretical to have an answer or because a four year old would not understand a scientific explanation of why things appear colored and how color has no bearing on existence. Or because a 28 year old (read: me) does not legitimately know why it is summer.
Lexi's insatiable curiosity reminds me of myself when I began considering spiritual matters. Before I became a Christian, I had a lot of questions about why people believed what the Bible said. Why did they put so much stock in a dude that lived 2000+ years ago? How could they be so sure that He was God and what He said was true?
As I dialogued with Christians, I learned a little bit. But the answers weren't very satisfying. I had made up my mind that Christianity was a farce before these conversations ever took place. My mind was closed to considering any information these well-meaning believers provided me.
Like Thomas, I needed to experience Jesus for myself.
I ended up at a church youth event on accident. I had just gone to hear a band play because the lead singer was hot. I had no idea he was a Christian and was too stupid to realize he just might be if he was playing in a band at a church. I went, I listened, and I witnessed 100 of my peers worshiping uninhibitedly.
I thought to myself, "If this many people can be affected this deeply by Something, then maybe It really does exist."
God opened my mind that night.
I left that church believing in a Higher Power. But I left without Jesus. My mind may have changed, but my life didn't change.
I went back to those Christians who had been talking to me about spiritual things, and I asked some more questions. I didn't get any mind-blowing answers, but I got a few more pieces of the puzzle.
I struggled for seven more months trying to make sense of my new worldview - a worldview that now included a God.
I wasn't getting anywhere. Life was still hard. Too hard. I needed more than a mysterious, distant God to hang my hat on. I needed an experience with Jesus.
Confused, tired, and alone, I broke.
I still remember the day. It was July, 1999, and I was in my kitchen. I had just gotten off the phone with the only friend I had left. He had called to say good bye. He was moving 1,000 miles away. He was leaving that very day. And I was left alone. I remember falling to my knees in that kitchen, sobbing.
And with equal parts anger and desperation, I gave God an ultimatum.
"I CAN'T DO THIS, GOD! If You want me to make it through this, YOU are going to have to do it!"
Lucky for me, it was the kind of ultimatum God loves.
As I surrendered my life that afternoon, I never prayed the Sinner's Prayer.
I had never read a single Bible verse.
I had never attended a church service.
All I did was invite God, albeit harshly, to take control of my life. I yielded to Him.
And He saved me.
My life began to change. I became friends with "those Christians". I started learning about the God of the Bible. Eventually, I started going to a church on a regular basis. My curiosity about the God I had experienced firsthand was insatiable.
I asked questions. Innumerable questions. I sought out two youth pastors and overwhelmed them with questions about this new life I found myself in. They were my "go to's".
I took my questions to college with me and pursued a degree in Biblical Studies and Theology. Today, 12 years after that day in the kitchen, I teach Bible to women in my church. But I still have questions. And I still have "go to's". I suspect I always will.
In Acts, an Ethiopian man who does not know Jesus is pondering the book of Isaiah. Philip, a disciple, saw the man and asked him, "Do you understand what you are reading?" The Ethiopian replied, "How can I unless someone explains it to me?" (Acts 8:30-31) Philip goes on to instruct him in the Scriptures, and the man accepts Jesus as his Lord and Savior and is baptized immediately.
It blows my mind that the Ethiopian didn't get prideful and act like he understood the Scriptures when Philip inquired. He didn't get defensive and say, "Who are you to come over here uninvited and question my intelligence?" He didn't get haughty and reply, "I got this, man." He didn't go all individualistic on Philip and say, "I'll interpret the Scriptures any way I want to, thank you very much." On the contrary, he basically says, "Of course not! No one can understand the Bible without some help."
History matters. Context matters. Culture matters. How each passage reads in light of the rest of the Bible matters.
We don't become Christians and just know this stuff. We all need help understanding what the Bible says, what it means, and how it applies to real life. To use a church word, we all need a mentor to come along side us, do life with us, and guide us when we have questions.
"What if there was no white?" she inquired.
"Huh?" I said.
"What if there was no white in the world and no other colors either?"
I was silent, so she prompted me again.
"What if, Mom?"
"Uhhh, I dunno."
"I think then we'd have no town."
Silence.
"Don't you think we'd have no town, Mom?"
Questions. Lots of questions.
Most are unanswerable, either because they are too theoretical to have an answer or because a four year old would not understand a scientific explanation of why things appear colored and how color has no bearing on existence. Or because a 28 year old (read: me) does not legitimately know why it is summer.
Lexi's insatiable curiosity reminds me of myself when I began considering spiritual matters. Before I became a Christian, I had a lot of questions about why people believed what the Bible said. Why did they put so much stock in a dude that lived 2000+ years ago? How could they be so sure that He was God and what He said was true?
As I dialogued with Christians, I learned a little bit. But the answers weren't very satisfying. I had made up my mind that Christianity was a farce before these conversations ever took place. My mind was closed to considering any information these well-meaning believers provided me.
Like Thomas, I needed to experience Jesus for myself.
I ended up at a church youth event on accident. I had just gone to hear a band play because the lead singer was hot. I had no idea he was a Christian and was too stupid to realize he just might be if he was playing in a band at a church. I went, I listened, and I witnessed 100 of my peers worshiping uninhibitedly.
I thought to myself, "If this many people can be affected this deeply by Something, then maybe It really does exist."
God opened my mind that night.
I left that church believing in a Higher Power. But I left without Jesus. My mind may have changed, but my life didn't change.
I went back to those Christians who had been talking to me about spiritual things, and I asked some more questions. I didn't get any mind-blowing answers, but I got a few more pieces of the puzzle.
I struggled for seven more months trying to make sense of my new worldview - a worldview that now included a God.
I wasn't getting anywhere. Life was still hard. Too hard. I needed more than a mysterious, distant God to hang my hat on. I needed an experience with Jesus.
Confused, tired, and alone, I broke.
I still remember the day. It was July, 1999, and I was in my kitchen. I had just gotten off the phone with the only friend I had left. He had called to say good bye. He was moving 1,000 miles away. He was leaving that very day. And I was left alone. I remember falling to my knees in that kitchen, sobbing.
And with equal parts anger and desperation, I gave God an ultimatum.
"I CAN'T DO THIS, GOD! If You want me to make it through this, YOU are going to have to do it!"
Lucky for me, it was the kind of ultimatum God loves.
As I surrendered my life that afternoon, I never prayed the Sinner's Prayer.
I had never read a single Bible verse.
I had never attended a church service.
All I did was invite God, albeit harshly, to take control of my life. I yielded to Him.
And He saved me.
My life began to change. I became friends with "those Christians". I started learning about the God of the Bible. Eventually, I started going to a church on a regular basis. My curiosity about the God I had experienced firsthand was insatiable.
I asked questions. Innumerable questions. I sought out two youth pastors and overwhelmed them with questions about this new life I found myself in. They were my "go to's".
I took my questions to college with me and pursued a degree in Biblical Studies and Theology. Today, 12 years after that day in the kitchen, I teach Bible to women in my church. But I still have questions. And I still have "go to's". I suspect I always will.
In Acts, an Ethiopian man who does not know Jesus is pondering the book of Isaiah. Philip, a disciple, saw the man and asked him, "Do you understand what you are reading?" The Ethiopian replied, "How can I unless someone explains it to me?" (Acts 8:30-31) Philip goes on to instruct him in the Scriptures, and the man accepts Jesus as his Lord and Savior and is baptized immediately.
It blows my mind that the Ethiopian didn't get prideful and act like he understood the Scriptures when Philip inquired. He didn't get defensive and say, "Who are you to come over here uninvited and question my intelligence?" He didn't get haughty and reply, "I got this, man." He didn't go all individualistic on Philip and say, "I'll interpret the Scriptures any way I want to, thank you very much." On the contrary, he basically says, "Of course not! No one can understand the Bible without some help."
History matters. Context matters. Culture matters. How each passage reads in light of the rest of the Bible matters.
We don't become Christians and just know this stuff. We all need help understanding what the Bible says, what it means, and how it applies to real life. To use a church word, we all need a mentor to come along side us, do life with us, and guide us when we have questions.
6.04.2011
Unconvinced
I'm pretty good at rationalizing things.
Take donuts, for example. Why do I get two donuts when my four year old can only have one? Because I have a bigger stomach, of course. Never mind that they are completely devoid of any nutritional value. Wait, no they aren't! Surely there is SOMETHING in a donut that is nutritious... and even if there isn't, that glass of skim milk I'm having with my donut is well worth the nutritional cost of the donut itself. After all, if I don't have the donut, I'll have no reason to have the milk. But milk is so vital to my body! The calcium, the vitamin D... as a Caucasian woman with osteopenia in her family, these are things I NEED! So... if I really want to take care of myself, I better grab a donut so I can drink some milk with it. And when I get done with that donut, if I have any milk left, I should go ahead and have a second donut so I can finish the remaining milk my bones are so desperate for.
See that? See what I did there? I can make eating junk food sound noble.
This is a good skill to have if you're a salesman or a lawyer. It's a TERRIBLE skill to have if you're in a relationship with the Lord. Rationalizing with Him typically exhausts me, frustrates me, and wastes a lot of time.
When God tells me to do something I don't want to, I can put up quite the fight. I use all the logic I have to convince God it's not really in His OR my best interest to do what He's asking.
"Whoa, whoa, whoa," I say, "Stop and think about it, Big Man. If I stop looking to others for affirmation, like You're telling me to, I'm gonna feel empty and depressed and devoid of value. Not only will that be unenjoyable for me, people are going to start thinking You're pretty unfulfilling. 'Kelly sure is bummed most of the time,' they'll think, 'I guess her God isn't all He's cracked up to be.' They won't think it is my fault; they'll think it is Your fault. And since we don't want to damage Your street cred, we'd be better off just leaving things they way they are. I'll keep getting my affirmation from people instead of You, and You'll keep looking like a pretty great God to serve, which we both know You are!"
After I lay my argument out there, I give the Lord a little nod as if to say, "C'mon, God, You know I'm right on this one."
God always listens to my thoughts with patience. When I'm done saying my piece, He usually smiles gently and raises an eyebrow, communicating through His body language that He loves me, He hears how scared I am to do what He's asking, but His mind is unchanged despite my carefully constructed protest. I haven't convinced Him of anything except the fact that I will go to great lengths to not have to face the underlying fears that are keeping me from obeying Him.
Great. Lengths.
It's good to know I'm not alone on this one. When God told him to lead the Israelites out of the bondage they were experiencing in Egypt to the Promised Land, Moses rattled off reasons why he wasn't the man for the job. Moses argued that he was nobody special; God should rethink this (Exodus 3:11). When God offered him comfort instead of conceding to him, Moses went to argument B. Not only was he not special, Moses was sure that he'd be met with resistance (Exodus 3:13). "Might as well not even try," Moses insinuated, "The Israelites are never gonna believe that You sent me." So God told Moses exactly what to tell the Israelites to convince them to follow him (Exodus 3:14-17). Not only that, God also promised He would take care of the Egyptians. God would work in their hearts to compel the Egyptians to release the Israelites -the Egyptians' slaves - and send them on their way with silver, gold, and clothing (Exodus 3:21-22).
But that wasn't enough for fearful Mo'.
Unable to come up with a third argument against the Lord's plan, Moses returns to his second argument, "What if [the Israelites] do not believe me or listen to me and say, 'The Lord did not appear to you'?" (Exodus 4:1)
If I were God, this is the point I would lose all my patience. I would become infuriated toward Moses and either go find someone else who is willing to obey without all the hassle or just smite the fool right then and there.
But God doesn't do that.
He maintains His composure, and, like a sympathetic Father, He continues to try to assuage Moses' crippling fear. God tells Moses He will perform three different miraculous signs through Moses in front of the Israelites in order to prove to the Israelites that God is indeed with Moses (Exodus 4:2-9). Surely there would be zero room for the Israelites to doubt Moses then. Surely Moses' confidence in God's plan would be rock-solid at this point.
But it's not.
Moses rehashes argument A. Exasperated, he reiterates that he is not special by saying, "O Lord I have never been eloquent, neither in the past nor since you have spoken to your servant. I am slow of speech and tongue," (Exodus 4:10).
You can almost hear the fear in Moses' voice. I imagine him despairing, "Lord! I am not a good speaker, how can I be a good leader?!" Moses didn't have charisma or professional speech writers. He knew, as long as it depended on him, he would never be able to convince an entire nation to follow him.
When my own kids are fearful of something, regardless of whether the fear is silly or serious, all I want to do is scoop them up and protect them. I see the sheer terror in their eyes, the tears on their faces, and the last thing I want to do is force them to face whatever is spooking them.
I picture God, with his compassionate Father-heart, being really affected by Moses' confession of fear. I suspect God had to really fight His Fatherly desire to let Moses off the hook in order to alleviate His beloved child's fright.
Instead, God reminds Moses that He is in control. He reassures Moses again, "Now go; I will help you speak and will teach you what to say," (Exodus 4:11-12).
In his last ditch effort to convince God to change His plans, Moses shelves his negative, self-deprecating comments and resorts to straight-forward begging. "O Lord," he says, "please send someone else to do it" (Exodus 4:13).
To recap, God tells Moses to do something he doesn't want to do. Moses tries to convince God that He is making a mistake via FOUR DIFFERENT ARGUMENTS! I'm not special; the plan won't work; I don't have what it takes; PLEASE DON'T MAKE ME!
In the end, Moses doesn't convince God of anything except the fact that he will go to great lengths to not have to face the underlying fears that are keeping him from obeying God.
Great. Lengths.
Hmm. Sounds familiar.
SPOILER ALERT: Moses winds up obeying God. And God comes through on all His promises to Moses.
God performs the miraculous signs through Moses, just as He said He would. The Israelites believe Moses when he tells them God has sent him (Exodus 4:29-31). God "encourages" the Egyptians to release the Israelites, and they are sent on their way with all kinds of riches (Exodus 12:31-36). God comes through, true to His word.
In short (which is funny because this post is so long), Moses nearly misses being a part of a pivotal chapter of world history because he is scared to trust the only One who is completely trustworthy.
I don't want that to be my story. I don't want to let fear keep me from being all the Lord wants me to be.
Take donuts, for example. Why do I get two donuts when my four year old can only have one? Because I have a bigger stomach, of course. Never mind that they are completely devoid of any nutritional value. Wait, no they aren't! Surely there is SOMETHING in a donut that is nutritious... and even if there isn't, that glass of skim milk I'm having with my donut is well worth the nutritional cost of the donut itself. After all, if I don't have the donut, I'll have no reason to have the milk. But milk is so vital to my body! The calcium, the vitamin D... as a Caucasian woman with osteopenia in her family, these are things I NEED! So... if I really want to take care of myself, I better grab a donut so I can drink some milk with it. And when I get done with that donut, if I have any milk left, I should go ahead and have a second donut so I can finish the remaining milk my bones are so desperate for.
See that? See what I did there? I can make eating junk food sound noble.
This is a good skill to have if you're a salesman or a lawyer. It's a TERRIBLE skill to have if you're in a relationship with the Lord. Rationalizing with Him typically exhausts me, frustrates me, and wastes a lot of time.
When God tells me to do something I don't want to, I can put up quite the fight. I use all the logic I have to convince God it's not really in His OR my best interest to do what He's asking.
"Whoa, whoa, whoa," I say, "Stop and think about it, Big Man. If I stop looking to others for affirmation, like You're telling me to, I'm gonna feel empty and depressed and devoid of value. Not only will that be unenjoyable for me, people are going to start thinking You're pretty unfulfilling. 'Kelly sure is bummed most of the time,' they'll think, 'I guess her God isn't all He's cracked up to be.' They won't think it is my fault; they'll think it is Your fault. And since we don't want to damage Your street cred, we'd be better off just leaving things they way they are. I'll keep getting my affirmation from people instead of You, and You'll keep looking like a pretty great God to serve, which we both know You are!"
After I lay my argument out there, I give the Lord a little nod as if to say, "C'mon, God, You know I'm right on this one."
God always listens to my thoughts with patience. When I'm done saying my piece, He usually smiles gently and raises an eyebrow, communicating through His body language that He loves me, He hears how scared I am to do what He's asking, but His mind is unchanged despite my carefully constructed protest. I haven't convinced Him of anything except the fact that I will go to great lengths to not have to face the underlying fears that are keeping me from obeying Him.
Great. Lengths.
It's good to know I'm not alone on this one. When God told him to lead the Israelites out of the bondage they were experiencing in Egypt to the Promised Land, Moses rattled off reasons why he wasn't the man for the job. Moses argued that he was nobody special; God should rethink this (Exodus 3:11). When God offered him comfort instead of conceding to him, Moses went to argument B. Not only was he not special, Moses was sure that he'd be met with resistance (Exodus 3:13). "Might as well not even try," Moses insinuated, "The Israelites are never gonna believe that You sent me." So God told Moses exactly what to tell the Israelites to convince them to follow him (Exodus 3:14-17). Not only that, God also promised He would take care of the Egyptians. God would work in their hearts to compel the Egyptians to release the Israelites -the Egyptians' slaves - and send them on their way with silver, gold, and clothing (Exodus 3:21-22).
But that wasn't enough for fearful Mo'.
Unable to come up with a third argument against the Lord's plan, Moses returns to his second argument, "What if [the Israelites] do not believe me or listen to me and say, 'The Lord did not appear to you'?" (Exodus 4:1)
If I were God, this is the point I would lose all my patience. I would become infuriated toward Moses and either go find someone else who is willing to obey without all the hassle or just smite the fool right then and there.
But God doesn't do that.
He maintains His composure, and, like a sympathetic Father, He continues to try to assuage Moses' crippling fear. God tells Moses He will perform three different miraculous signs through Moses in front of the Israelites in order to prove to the Israelites that God is indeed with Moses (Exodus 4:2-9). Surely there would be zero room for the Israelites to doubt Moses then. Surely Moses' confidence in God's plan would be rock-solid at this point.
But it's not.
Moses rehashes argument A. Exasperated, he reiterates that he is not special by saying, "O Lord I have never been eloquent, neither in the past nor since you have spoken to your servant. I am slow of speech and tongue," (Exodus 4:10).
You can almost hear the fear in Moses' voice. I imagine him despairing, "Lord! I am not a good speaker, how can I be a good leader?!" Moses didn't have charisma or professional speech writers. He knew, as long as it depended on him, he would never be able to convince an entire nation to follow him.
When my own kids are fearful of something, regardless of whether the fear is silly or serious, all I want to do is scoop them up and protect them. I see the sheer terror in their eyes, the tears on their faces, and the last thing I want to do is force them to face whatever is spooking them.
I picture God, with his compassionate Father-heart, being really affected by Moses' confession of fear. I suspect God had to really fight His Fatherly desire to let Moses off the hook in order to alleviate His beloved child's fright.
Instead, God reminds Moses that He is in control. He reassures Moses again, "Now go; I will help you speak and will teach you what to say," (Exodus 4:11-12).
In his last ditch effort to convince God to change His plans, Moses shelves his negative, self-deprecating comments and resorts to straight-forward begging. "O Lord," he says, "please send someone else to do it" (Exodus 4:13).
To recap, God tells Moses to do something he doesn't want to do. Moses tries to convince God that He is making a mistake via FOUR DIFFERENT ARGUMENTS! I'm not special; the plan won't work; I don't have what it takes; PLEASE DON'T MAKE ME!
In the end, Moses doesn't convince God of anything except the fact that he will go to great lengths to not have to face the underlying fears that are keeping him from obeying God.
Great. Lengths.
Hmm. Sounds familiar.
SPOILER ALERT: Moses winds up obeying God. And God comes through on all His promises to Moses.
God performs the miraculous signs through Moses, just as He said He would. The Israelites believe Moses when he tells them God has sent him (Exodus 4:29-31). God "encourages" the Egyptians to release the Israelites, and they are sent on their way with all kinds of riches (Exodus 12:31-36). God comes through, true to His word.
In short (which is funny because this post is so long), Moses nearly misses being a part of a pivotal chapter of world history because he is scared to trust the only One who is completely trustworthy.
I don't want that to be my story. I don't want to let fear keep me from being all the Lord wants me to be.
6.01.2011
Represent
There was nothing I hated more in school than the dreaded group project.
There are two types of people in this world: those who carry the group and those who expect the group to carry them. I always fell into the first class of students, and when group projects were assigned, I just KNEW I'd have to do more than my fair share if I wanted to ensure we'd get a good grade. With my grade (read: my value, my self-worth) at stake, I wasn't willing to put my name on a project that wasn't done well. And if my classmates weren't going to do their parts well, I'd cave and do it for them to make sure my grade was secure.
Now that I no longer have grades to worry about, I find other things to depend on to make me look good.
Are my girls dressed cute for church? They better be because they are a reflection of me. If I let them go to church with disheveled hair, holes in their pants, and mismatched shoes, other people would think poorly of me because I am their mother. We share a last name.
Are the women in my Bible study benefiting from my teaching? I hope so because what they glean is directly related to how well I teach. If they are bored and not growing in their relationships with the Lord, they will think badly of me because I am their teacher. Our group bears my name.
Are the posts on this blog entertaining and challenging readers in their faith? They need to be because without both aspects my writing won't reach anyone beyond my family (Hi, Mom!) and close friends. If the articles aren't true to my style, lack depth, or are theologically unsound, readers will lower their opinions of me because I am the author. This blog has my name on it.
In all of these examples, my reputation is at stake.
I was talking to God about this the other day. I went on and on about how reputation is everything and how I don't want my name on something that isn't done well or right or my way.
And you know what God said?
He said, "Kelly, My name is on YOU every single day. How do you think I feel when YOU don't represent ME well?"
My heart sunk into my stomach.
He was right.
As a Christian, I literally bear Christ's name. And, as a result, everyone who knows that I am a Christian associates everything I do with Christ Himself. And most of the time I'm not representing Him well.
I was challenged to do better. Be better. For His sake, for the Gospel's sake, represent Him better.
I thought about those old group projects. When they were done poorly, I wanted to remove my name from them. I wanted no association with the group of people or the work we had done so badly. My reputation was at stake.
But God doesn't remove His name from me when I don't represent Him well. In some cases, He even seems to emphasize to those around me that I am His. Whether I am bringing Him honor or shame, whether I am enhancing or destroying His reputation, I am His. And He proves His love to me and to the world by leaving His name on me when I am least worthy of bearing it.
There are two types of people in this world: those who carry the group and those who expect the group to carry them. I always fell into the first class of students, and when group projects were assigned, I just KNEW I'd have to do more than my fair share if I wanted to ensure we'd get a good grade. With my grade (read: my value, my self-worth) at stake, I wasn't willing to put my name on a project that wasn't done well. And if my classmates weren't going to do their parts well, I'd cave and do it for them to make sure my grade was secure.
Now that I no longer have grades to worry about, I find other things to depend on to make me look good.
Are my girls dressed cute for church? They better be because they are a reflection of me. If I let them go to church with disheveled hair, holes in their pants, and mismatched shoes, other people would think poorly of me because I am their mother. We share a last name.
Are the women in my Bible study benefiting from my teaching? I hope so because what they glean is directly related to how well I teach. If they are bored and not growing in their relationships with the Lord, they will think badly of me because I am their teacher. Our group bears my name.
Are the posts on this blog entertaining and challenging readers in their faith? They need to be because without both aspects my writing won't reach anyone beyond my family (Hi, Mom!) and close friends. If the articles aren't true to my style, lack depth, or are theologically unsound, readers will lower their opinions of me because I am the author. This blog has my name on it.
In all of these examples, my reputation is at stake.
I was talking to God about this the other day. I went on and on about how reputation is everything and how I don't want my name on something that isn't done well or right or my way.
And you know what God said?
He said, "Kelly, My name is on YOU every single day. How do you think I feel when YOU don't represent ME well?"
My heart sunk into my stomach.
He was right.
As a Christian, I literally bear Christ's name. And, as a result, everyone who knows that I am a Christian associates everything I do with Christ Himself. And most of the time I'm not representing Him well.
I was challenged to do better. Be better. For His sake, for the Gospel's sake, represent Him better.
I thought about those old group projects. When they were done poorly, I wanted to remove my name from them. I wanted no association with the group of people or the work we had done so badly. My reputation was at stake.
But God doesn't remove His name from me when I don't represent Him well. In some cases, He even seems to emphasize to those around me that I am His. Whether I am bringing Him honor or shame, whether I am enhancing or destroying His reputation, I am His. And He proves His love to me and to the world by leaving His name on me when I am least worthy of bearing it.
5.31.2011
Better
God is pretty tricky.
He lures us into wanting to have kids by making newborns adorably snuggley. Their heads smell good, and their outfits are so cute we can't stand it.
Then they start to grow.
They learn to talk and think and ask questions. They study your every move and file away every word that comes out of your mouth. And, slowly but surely, they are shaped into mini-you's. These little people start to act just like the grown ups they are around most.
And that would be fantastic if everything that I said and did honored the Lord.
I want better for my kids than I do for myself. I require them to eatmore fruit and vegetables while I eat donuts and ice cream. I make them brush their teeth every night before bed, and then I pass out without giving a second thought to my own dental health. My kids take vitamins each morning. I stopped taking vitamins as soon as I birthed them (but I took my prenatal vitamins religiously because those babies I was carrying needed them...). I make sure to read the Bible and have a devotional with my 4 year old every day...sometimes I don't crack my own Bible for an entire week.
You can call me a hypocrite if you want. But, mostly, I just want the best for my kids. That's my focus. I am not my priority. I fall by the wayside.
And that would be okay if everything I said and did honored the Lord.
If my two girls mimicked my Christian awesomeness and were somehow oblivious to my hurtful brokenness, then I wouldn't have to address my baggage. I wouldn't have to go to the Lord and allow Him to do open-heart surgery on me.
If it were just me, I'd be content to only brush once a day, only eat vegetables when they are on top of pizza, and continue living out of my own self-centered defense mechanisms. I'd be fine never learning how to relate in a healthier way to God and to others. I'd be unmotivated to better myself.
And God knew that.
So He gave me two beautiful little girls to "encourage" me to work through my crap. If I want them to be confident women who love the Lord and others, I have to model that.
Gulp.
I HAVE TO MODEL THAT?!
You mean I - the chick who hasn't willingly purchased a dress since my wedding gown 6.5 years ago - have to become confident in my femininity? I - the tomboy turned wife and mother - have to develop godly female friendships? I - the woman who thinks more about how others should be serving her than how she can serve them - have to develop a compassionate heart for those around me?
No wonder God makes babies so irresistible. If He told us on the front end that having a kid would emotionally manipulate us into surrendering to Him for a lot of painful renovations, WE'D NEVER DO IT!
If God put all His cards on the table before we had a chance to fall head over heels in love with our little bundles of joy, that would be the end of the human race. We'd refuse to procreate out of fear that our subsequent soul reconstruction would be too hard, too painful. We'd live in that fear the rest of our lives, missing the innumerable blessings children bring.
Even worse, we'd miss the innumerable blessings that follow cooperating with God to allow Him to heal our wounds.
He lures us into wanting to have kids by making newborns adorably snuggley. Their heads smell good, and their outfits are so cute we can't stand it.
 |
| Lexi |
 |
| Allie |
Then they start to grow.
They learn to talk and think and ask questions. They study your every move and file away every word that comes out of your mouth. And, slowly but surely, they are shaped into mini-you's. These little people start to act just like the grown ups they are around most.
And that would be fantastic if everything that I said and did honored the Lord.
I want better for my kids than I do for myself. I require them to eat
You can call me a hypocrite if you want. But, mostly, I just want the best for my kids. That's my focus. I am not my priority. I fall by the wayside.
And that would be okay if everything I said and did honored the Lord.
If my two girls mimicked my Christian awesomeness and were somehow oblivious to my hurtful brokenness, then I wouldn't have to address my baggage. I wouldn't have to go to the Lord and allow Him to do open-heart surgery on me.
If it were just me, I'd be content to only brush once a day, only eat vegetables when they are on top of pizza, and continue living out of my own self-centered defense mechanisms. I'd be fine never learning how to relate in a healthier way to God and to others. I'd be unmotivated to better myself.
And God knew that.
So He gave me two beautiful little girls to "encourage" me to work through my crap. If I want them to be confident women who love the Lord and others, I have to model that.
Gulp.
I HAVE TO MODEL THAT?!
You mean I - the chick who hasn't willingly purchased a dress since my wedding gown 6.5 years ago - have to become confident in my femininity? I - the tomboy turned wife and mother - have to develop godly female friendships? I - the woman who thinks more about how others should be serving her than how she can serve them - have to develop a compassionate heart for those around me?
No wonder God makes babies so irresistible. If He told us on the front end that having a kid would emotionally manipulate us into surrendering to Him for a lot of painful renovations, WE'D NEVER DO IT!
If God put all His cards on the table before we had a chance to fall head over heels in love with our little bundles of joy, that would be the end of the human race. We'd refuse to procreate out of fear that our subsequent soul reconstruction would be too hard, too painful. We'd live in that fear the rest of our lives, missing the innumerable blessings children bring.
Even worse, we'd miss the innumerable blessings that follow cooperating with God to allow Him to heal our wounds.
5.26.2011
And Now For Something Completely Different
I have some friends that are very ordinary. But they did an extraordinary thing. They responded to God's leading them in a direction they never would have walked in under "normal" circumstances. He told them to leave Memphis, move to Addis Ababa, Ethiopia, and start being part of the solution to the worldwide orphan crisis. These newlyweds started The Forsaken Children, a ministry that addresses the physical, emotional and spiritual needs of the 100,000 homeless, family-less, Christ-less children in the capital city of Ethiopia.
As the ministry expands, more and more of my friends are getting involved. Some are traveling there on short-term mission trips. Some are staying there for longer periods of time, developing new ways to reach the children. Some are donating money each month to support what's going on over there. Some are praying daily for the ministry.
Personally, Elian and I are giving ten measly bucks each month. Not much, right? Check out an article I wrote on The Forsaken Children website explaining why we give and how ten dollars change two kids' lives forever.
As the ministry expands, more and more of my friends are getting involved. Some are traveling there on short-term mission trips. Some are staying there for longer periods of time, developing new ways to reach the children. Some are donating money each month to support what's going on over there. Some are praying daily for the ministry.
Personally, Elian and I are giving ten measly bucks each month. Not much, right? Check out an article I wrote on The Forsaken Children website explaining why we give and how ten dollars change two kids' lives forever.
5.23.2011
The Kind of Encouragement You Don't Want
There is a downside to the fact that God wants what is best for us: He is willing to do whatever it takes to get us to cooperate with His plan.
If you subscribe to the concept of free will, then God is never going to force us to do anything. But He will arrange circumstances to "encourage" us to move toward Him.
Hebrews 12:7 tells us to "endure hardship as discipline." I'm not sure when the word discipline got its negative connotation, but, originally, it was a positive thing. Discipline meant "instruction which aims at increasing virtue" (BLB). And that's how the author of Hebrews is using the word, too. He says, "God disciplines us for our good, that we may share in his holiness," and discipline "produces a harvest of righteousness and peace" (Hebrews 12:10-11).
Holiness. Righteousness. Peace.
These are all things I want. These are all things God wants for me. But when I can't see how obeying God in a given situation is going to help me reach these goals, God is willing to do whatever He has to in order to adjust my vision. He is willing to send hardship. He is willing to discipline in the hopes that I will be trained by it (Hebrews 12:11).
He can correct me all day long, but if I refuse to learn from the discipline, I'll never share in his holiness or righteousness or peace. Instead, I'll stay in my selfishness and turmoil. And God, in turn, will have to tweak my circumstances once again in order to show me the way I am operating is not in my best interest.
A long time ago, God told Jeremiah, "In vain I punished your people; they did not respond to correction" (Jeremiah 2:30). God was exasperated with Israel! Year after year they traded His Glory for worthless idols (Jeremiah 2:11). The rest of the book tells of how Israel is unwilling to do what is in their best interest. They are unwilling to be trained by the discipline God has been employing. He is going to have to go to extreme measures if He wants to convince Israel that their idol worship is bad for them. So He does. He lets Judah be conquered, and the Israelites were taken into captivity for 70 years.
SEVENTY YEARS!
I don't want God to have to go to extremes to get my attention. I don't want Him to have to keep turning up the heat because I am so stubborn I refuse to pursue what's best for me. I want to respond immediately to His discipline. I want to be trained by it. I want to trust Him enough to obey Him even when I can't see how anything good will come from it.
If you subscribe to the concept of free will, then God is never going to force us to do anything. But He will arrange circumstances to "encourage" us to move toward Him.
Hebrews 12:7 tells us to "endure hardship as discipline." I'm not sure when the word discipline got its negative connotation, but, originally, it was a positive thing. Discipline meant "instruction which aims at increasing virtue" (BLB). And that's how the author of Hebrews is using the word, too. He says, "God disciplines us for our good, that we may share in his holiness," and discipline "produces a harvest of righteousness and peace" (Hebrews 12:10-11).
Holiness. Righteousness. Peace.
These are all things I want. These are all things God wants for me. But when I can't see how obeying God in a given situation is going to help me reach these goals, God is willing to do whatever He has to in order to adjust my vision. He is willing to send hardship. He is willing to discipline in the hopes that I will be trained by it (Hebrews 12:11).
He can correct me all day long, but if I refuse to learn from the discipline, I'll never share in his holiness or righteousness or peace. Instead, I'll stay in my selfishness and turmoil. And God, in turn, will have to tweak my circumstances once again in order to show me the way I am operating is not in my best interest.
A long time ago, God told Jeremiah, "In vain I punished your people; they did not respond to correction" (Jeremiah 2:30). God was exasperated with Israel! Year after year they traded His Glory for worthless idols (Jeremiah 2:11). The rest of the book tells of how Israel is unwilling to do what is in their best interest. They are unwilling to be trained by the discipline God has been employing. He is going to have to go to extreme measures if He wants to convince Israel that their idol worship is bad for them. So He does. He lets Judah be conquered, and the Israelites were taken into captivity for 70 years.
SEVENTY YEARS!
I don't want God to have to go to extremes to get my attention. I don't want Him to have to keep turning up the heat because I am so stubborn I refuse to pursue what's best for me. I want to respond immediately to His discipline. I want to be trained by it. I want to trust Him enough to obey Him even when I can't see how anything good will come from it.
5.21.2011
A Penny for Your Praise
In case you've ever wondered, the key to winning my affection is to praise me a whole lot.
Like a puppy in obedience school, my tail wags, and I jump up and down uncontrollably anytime anyone throws a compliment my way. Since childhood society has been teaching me that if I perform well, I get metaphorical treats in the form of good grades, kind words, and pats on the back. Conversely, if I perform poorly, I experience ridicule, feelings of isolation, and my self-worth goes down the toilet.
I want that praise. I need that praise.
The good news is that this is a legitimate longing. It is not wrong or bad to desire encouragement and appreciation.
The bad news is Itend to ALWAYS look to people for my confidence boost. And, in case you haven't noticed, people are fickle. They are unreliable. They are here today and gone tomorrow. And even the more consistent people are incapable of heaping on enough praise to satisfy my constantly wavering self-esteem. People don't have that kind of time and energy to make their life's mission to encourage me (or you).
The Bible goes so far as to say that people who trust in men for their strength are cursed (Jeremiah 17:5). Cursed? Seems harsh. In the next verse, the Lord says that those of us who trust in men instead of God "will be like [bushes] in the wastelands; [we] will not see prosperity when it comes. [We] will dwell in the parched places of the desert, in a salt land where no one lives" (Jeremiah 17:6).
So we are stuck with a great big problem. We need praise and encouragement. But when we seek it from those around us, we feel like we are dying of thirst, unable to recognize blessings in our lives, overwhelmed with loneliness.
In a word, we are cursed.
I can vouch for this. My favorite place to seek encouragement is from godly men. I want to know that men I respect love me. I want men my dad's age to tell me they are proud of me. I want men my brother's age to tell me they believe in me. Basically, I want all men everywhere to praise me every second of every day.
What, too much?
The funny thing is my soul would still say THAT'S NOT ENOUGH!
But God doesn't leave us hanging. We aren't destined to be cursed. He offers us a way out.
Verse 7 says, "But blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord, whose confidence is in him. He will be like a tree planted by the water that sends out its roots by the stream. It does not fear when heat comes; its leaves are always green. It has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to bear fruit" (Jeremiah 17:7).
When we go to God to get our praise needs met, we have a constant source of nourishment. We are unfazed by difficult circumstances. When no one is there to encourage us, we don't worry. Instead, we remain confident and continue to mature in our faith.
In a word, we are blessed.
It's easier to look to people for affirmation. But it is infinitely more satisfying to look to God.
Like a puppy in obedience school, my tail wags, and I jump up and down uncontrollably anytime anyone throws a compliment my way. Since childhood society has been teaching me that if I perform well, I get metaphorical treats in the form of good grades, kind words, and pats on the back. Conversely, if I perform poorly, I experience ridicule, feelings of isolation, and my self-worth goes down the toilet.
I want that praise. I need that praise.
The good news is that this is a legitimate longing. It is not wrong or bad to desire encouragement and appreciation.
The bad news is I
The Bible goes so far as to say that people who trust in men for their strength are cursed (Jeremiah 17:5). Cursed? Seems harsh. In the next verse, the Lord says that those of us who trust in men instead of God "will be like [bushes] in the wastelands; [we] will not see prosperity when it comes. [We] will dwell in the parched places of the desert, in a salt land where no one lives" (Jeremiah 17:6).
So we are stuck with a great big problem. We need praise and encouragement. But when we seek it from those around us, we feel like we are dying of thirst, unable to recognize blessings in our lives, overwhelmed with loneliness.
In a word, we are cursed.
I can vouch for this. My favorite place to seek encouragement is from godly men. I want to know that men I respect love me. I want men my dad's age to tell me they are proud of me. I want men my brother's age to tell me they believe in me. Basically, I want all men everywhere to praise me every second of every day.
What, too much?
The funny thing is my soul would still say THAT'S NOT ENOUGH!
But God doesn't leave us hanging. We aren't destined to be cursed. He offers us a way out.
Verse 7 says, "But blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord, whose confidence is in him. He will be like a tree planted by the water that sends out its roots by the stream. It does not fear when heat comes; its leaves are always green. It has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to bear fruit" (Jeremiah 17:7).
When we go to God to get our praise needs met, we have a constant source of nourishment. We are unfazed by difficult circumstances. When no one is there to encourage us, we don't worry. Instead, we remain confident and continue to mature in our faith.
In a word, we are blessed.
It's easier to look to people for affirmation. But it is infinitely more satisfying to look to God.
5.19.2011
Overcoming Weariness With Ice Cream
Sometimes I am tired.
I am not talking about the I-need-a-nap kind of tired. I am talking about the I-don't-have-the-emotional-energy-to-do-life-another-second kind of tired. Weary. Spent. Done.
When I'm feeling this way, my solution is a three-step process:
1. Complain to others.
2. Consume ice cream.
3. Check out in front of the TV.
We can call it The 3C Approach to Weariness. Pastors can build sermons around this alliterative list. I think it will really resonate with people across all demographics, except maybe the lactose intolerant.
But lest we get the cart before the horse, let's consider my solution's efficacy (minor detail, right?).
Complaining to others requires me to focus on my dissatisfaction, perpetuating my weariness, which is the exact opposite of what I want to do. Hmm. Also, if I complain too often to the same people, being around me becomes quite unenjoyable. My weariness spreads like an infectious disease, bringing down those around me. Hmm. Maybe we should nix step one.
What about step 2? You will never convince me that consuming ice cream is a bad thing. Ever. I think it should be apart of every process. Need instructions for making a sandwich? Get out bread, spread on peanut butter, eat some ice cream, spread on jelly, eat sandwich. Need directions for driving to Nashville? Fill up your gas tank, get on I-40, stop for ice cream, arrive at your destination. See? Ice cream is never a bad idea.
Unless I eat it to make myself feel good so I don't have to work through my weariness in a healthy, yet much more difficult manner. Or unless I eat it in mass quantities because it makes me feel good. Or unless my body functions better on things like fruits and vegetables than it does on Rocky Road. (Side note: my husband says I am the only person in the world who can eat a large bowl of caloric ice cream while watching the Biggest Loser, week in and week out, and not feel bad about it. I'd consider examining the emotional problems behind that fact, but ICE CREAM IS SO DELICIOUS!)
Maybe we should move ice cream down The 3C Approach to Weariness list. Maybe it should be the last step, a reward for successfully dealing with our weariness.... I know, I know, don't reward yourself with food... I digress.
Step 3. Check out in front of the TV. Pretty sure this is a good idea. When you're feeling beaten down by the world, nothing distracts you better than Friends reruns, NBA playoffs, or excruciating auditions for a certain singing show. If you watch long enough, you can escape your problems until the next day, which is all we can really ask for, right? Don't shoot too high and expect to eliminate your weariness. Set the bar low and just seek to postpone it for a few hours...
Because we all know weariness can't really be beaten for any length of time.
And if that's true, my list is looking pretty good. In fact, it's probably in the Bible somewhere - it's that awesome.
Hebrew 12:3 tells us what to do so we "will not grow weary and lose heart." It says, "Consider [Jesus] who endured such opposition from sinful men..." Hmm. That C wasn't on my list.
Consider Jesus and all he went through - beatings, ridicule, betrayal, false imprisonment, rejection, and brutal death. If He went through all that for me, surely I can endure a little hardship for Him. Surely I can exercise enough self-control to refrain from engaging in (fill in the blank)because He asks me to. Surely I can take a little mocking from unbelievers because I profess Him like He tells me to. Surely I can overcome some marital growing pains because I am submitting to soul reconstruction like He wants me to.
Surely I will not grow weary during my "light and momentary afflictions" because He "endured the cross" for me (2 Corinthians 4:17, Hebrews 12:2)!
So it seems The 3C Approach to Weariness needs a little revising.
How about this....
1. Consider Jesus.
2. Commit to persevere.
3. Consume ice cream.
I am not talking about the I-need-a-nap kind of tired. I am talking about the I-don't-have-the-emotional-energy-to-do-life-another-second kind of tired. Weary. Spent. Done.
When I'm feeling this way, my solution is a three-step process:
1. Complain to others.
2. Consume ice cream.
3. Check out in front of the TV.
We can call it The 3C Approach to Weariness. Pastors can build sermons around this alliterative list. I think it will really resonate with people across all demographics, except maybe the lactose intolerant.
But lest we get the cart before the horse, let's consider my solution's efficacy (minor detail, right?).
Complaining to others requires me to focus on my dissatisfaction, perpetuating my weariness, which is the exact opposite of what I want to do. Hmm. Also, if I complain too often to the same people, being around me becomes quite unenjoyable. My weariness spreads like an infectious disease, bringing down those around me. Hmm. Maybe we should nix step one.
What about step 2? You will never convince me that consuming ice cream is a bad thing. Ever. I think it should be apart of every process. Need instructions for making a sandwich? Get out bread, spread on peanut butter, eat some ice cream, spread on jelly, eat sandwich. Need directions for driving to Nashville? Fill up your gas tank, get on I-40, stop for ice cream, arrive at your destination. See? Ice cream is never a bad idea.
Unless I eat it to make myself feel good so I don't have to work through my weariness in a healthy, yet much more difficult manner. Or unless I eat it in mass quantities because it makes me feel good. Or unless my body functions better on things like fruits and vegetables than it does on Rocky Road. (Side note: my husband says I am the only person in the world who can eat a large bowl of caloric ice cream while watching the Biggest Loser, week in and week out, and not feel bad about it. I'd consider examining the emotional problems behind that fact, but ICE CREAM IS SO DELICIOUS!)
Maybe we should move ice cream down The 3C Approach to Weariness list. Maybe it should be the last step, a reward for successfully dealing with our weariness.... I know, I know, don't reward yourself with food... I digress.
Step 3. Check out in front of the TV. Pretty sure this is a good idea. When you're feeling beaten down by the world, nothing distracts you better than Friends reruns, NBA playoffs, or excruciating auditions for a certain singing show. If you watch long enough, you can escape your problems until the next day, which is all we can really ask for, right? Don't shoot too high and expect to eliminate your weariness. Set the bar low and just seek to postpone it for a few hours...
Because we all know weariness can't really be beaten for any length of time.
And if that's true, my list is looking pretty good. In fact, it's probably in the Bible somewhere - it's that awesome.
Hebrew 12:3 tells us what to do so we "will not grow weary and lose heart." It says, "Consider [Jesus] who endured such opposition from sinful men..." Hmm. That C wasn't on my list.
Consider Jesus and all he went through - beatings, ridicule, betrayal, false imprisonment, rejection, and brutal death. If He went through all that for me, surely I can endure a little hardship for Him. Surely I can exercise enough self-control to refrain from engaging in (fill in the blank)
Surely I will not grow weary during my "light and momentary afflictions" because He "endured the cross" for me (2 Corinthians 4:17, Hebrews 12:2)!
So it seems The 3C Approach to Weariness needs a little revising.
How about this....
1. Consider Jesus.
2. Commit to persevere.
3. Consume ice cream.
5.16.2011
Extreme Makeover: Kelly Levatino Edition
Since January 1st of this year, God has been jack-hammering away in my life. I guess He finally got tired of letting me operate out of my baggage. He wants more for me. And, clearly, I wasn't going to pursue that willingly with Him. So five and a half months ago, He declared my heart a construction zone, and I've been the unwitting star of Extreme Makeover: Kelly Levatino Edition ever since.
If you've read my blog at all in the past couple of months, you probably can guess that God hasn't gotten to the part of the show where the immaculate new creation is unveiled. He is still largely in the demolition phase, using heavy machinery to destroy the foundation I laid before I ever knew He existed. He's using His big guns - trials and tribulations - to break apart my foundation of self-protective measures and self-serving motives.
Truth be told, I liked my old house.
This process has been anything but enjoyable. I've been less than cooperative with my Foreman. He keeps showing me the blueprint, explaining to me over and over how wonderful the final product will be. He's really excited about it. But I am no architect; I struggle to envision all that He has planned. All I know is that I liked my old house.
God has to echo His words to Israel to me on a regular basis. "Forget all that - it is nothing compared to what I am going to do. For I am about to do something new. See, I have already begun! Do you not see it? I will make a pathway through the wilderness. I will create rivers in the dry wasteland" (Isaiah 43:18-19).
As I sit in the rubble of my old house, it is hard for me to forget the good memories I had there. It is even harder for me to understand that the destruction of my old house is necessary before the building of my dream house can take place.
I have a choice to make. I can kick around the debris where my old house once was, cursing the day it was destroyed, and remain homeless. Or I can believe God when He says He wants to build me my dream house and agree to let Him on my property so He can break ground.
It all comes down to trust. Do I trust God to build me a better house than I can build for myself?
Do you?
If you've read my blog at all in the past couple of months, you probably can guess that God hasn't gotten to the part of the show where the immaculate new creation is unveiled. He is still largely in the demolition phase, using heavy machinery to destroy the foundation I laid before I ever knew He existed. He's using His big guns - trials and tribulations - to break apart my foundation of self-protective measures and self-serving motives.
Truth be told, I liked my old house.
This process has been anything but enjoyable. I've been less than cooperative with my Foreman. He keeps showing me the blueprint, explaining to me over and over how wonderful the final product will be. He's really excited about it. But I am no architect; I struggle to envision all that He has planned. All I know is that I liked my old house.
God has to echo His words to Israel to me on a regular basis. "Forget all that - it is nothing compared to what I am going to do. For I am about to do something new. See, I have already begun! Do you not see it? I will make a pathway through the wilderness. I will create rivers in the dry wasteland" (Isaiah 43:18-19).
As I sit in the rubble of my old house, it is hard for me to forget the good memories I had there. It is even harder for me to understand that the destruction of my old house is necessary before the building of my dream house can take place.
I have a choice to make. I can kick around the debris where my old house once was, cursing the day it was destroyed, and remain homeless. Or I can believe God when He says He wants to build me my dream house and agree to let Him on my property so He can break ground.
It all comes down to trust. Do I trust God to build me a better house than I can build for myself?
Do you?
5.14.2011
Plans
Life would be a lot easier if I would do things God's way the first time.
Instead, I try my way first. I usually jump into something headlong without giving much thought to what God would have me do. If, by chance, I do give thought to God's preference, I typically don't give it a second thought. I file God's idea away for future reference and proceed to approach life my way.
When that doesn't work, I try my Plan B. I sit down and explain to God why He should have honored my efforts during Plan A. I lay it all out for Him, showing Him my flawless logic, drawing diagrams when necessary, and rehearsing the pros and cons. I show Him the error of His ways in withholding His blessing from me when I do things my way. And God listens. He listens to every word. And when I am done trying to persuade Him, I try Plan A again. I may tweak it here or there, but it retains its original purpose: to accomplish my goals. And those goals are usually to be happy, to feel satisfied, and to experience no pain.
That's reasonable, right?
You're not gonna believe this, but Plan B never works for me either.
In fact, Plan B usually leaves me drained, discouraged, and desperate - desperate enough to go back to God, hand Him the pieces of my broken goals, and ask Him to put them all back together. He always receives me with open arms and compassionate eyes. While He is overjoyed that I have finally come to Him, He's also sad that I had to experience so much hurt in order to finally be willing to depend on Him. That was never His plan.
God's plan is for Him to always be my Plan A.
If I would just go to Him first with each decision I face instead of insisting on taking the scenic route, riddled with pot holes and construction zones...
If I would just spend time listening for His direction instead of petitioning Him to do things my way...
If I would just trust Him enough to take care of me, like He says He will, even though His plan is mysterious and unconventional to me....
...life wouldn't be so hard.
I might even find it enjoyable...
The Lord will guide you always; he will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land and will strengthen your frame. You will be like a well-watered garden, like a spring whose waters never fail. Isaiah 58:11
Instead, I try my way first. I usually jump into something headlong without giving much thought to what God would have me do. If, by chance, I do give thought to God's preference, I typically don't give it a second thought. I file God's idea away for future reference and proceed to approach life my way.
When that doesn't work, I try my Plan B. I sit down and explain to God why He should have honored my efforts during Plan A. I lay it all out for Him, showing Him my flawless logic, drawing diagrams when necessary, and rehearsing the pros and cons. I show Him the error of His ways in withholding His blessing from me when I do things my way. And God listens. He listens to every word. And when I am done trying to persuade Him, I try Plan A again. I may tweak it here or there, but it retains its original purpose: to accomplish my goals. And those goals are usually to be happy, to feel satisfied, and to experience no pain.
That's reasonable, right?
You're not gonna believe this, but Plan B never works for me either.
In fact, Plan B usually leaves me drained, discouraged, and desperate - desperate enough to go back to God, hand Him the pieces of my broken goals, and ask Him to put them all back together. He always receives me with open arms and compassionate eyes. While He is overjoyed that I have finally come to Him, He's also sad that I had to experience so much hurt in order to finally be willing to depend on Him. That was never His plan.
God's plan is for Him to always be my Plan A.
If I would just go to Him first with each decision I face instead of insisting on taking the scenic route, riddled with pot holes and construction zones...
If I would just spend time listening for His direction instead of petitioning Him to do things my way...
If I would just trust Him enough to take care of me, like He says He will, even though His plan is mysterious and unconventional to me....
...life wouldn't be so hard.
I might even find it enjoyable...
The Lord will guide you always; he will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land and will strengthen your frame. You will be like a well-watered garden, like a spring whose waters never fail. Isaiah 58:11
5.11.2011
Come Be Enough
I wish it were socially acceptable for me to handle not getting what I want like my toddler does. Allie's main goal in life is to run away from me in crowded and/or dangerous situations. Are we shopping in a mile-wide department store? She'll take off as fast as her twelve-inch legs can carry her, round the corner, and never look back. Are we at an Easter egg hunt with a thousand other people? She'll weave her way through strangers' legs, disappearing among the masses, totally unconcerned with my whereabouts. Are we trying to find our car in a busy parking lot? She'll slip her hand out of mine and run into traffic, cackling because she thinks she's winning the "Get Away From Mommy" game.
But if I ever grab her by her hand in these kinds of situations, look out.
First she says, "No."
When that doesn't work, she screams, "WALK!"
I explain to her, "You can walk, you just have to hold my hand."
And then comes the toddler melt down.
Shes starts to yell and cry and plops her bottom on the pavement, implying, "If I can't run in front of cars, I'm at least going to SIT in front of them and embarrass you with my blood-curdling screams!"
She steels her will. She uses all 20 of her pounds to her advantage, refusing to budge.
I yank her up by her hand to a standing position.
She only has one weapon left in her tantrum arsenal: she goes limp.
I am left with a child dangling from my hand.
Dead weight.
As I try to keep one eye on her older sister and the other eye on traffic, I shift purses (mine and her sister's), a diaper bag, a cup of coffee, at least one sippy cup, and the car keys to one hand. Then I scoop up my baby with the other arm and carry the flailing child to the car while she yells "WALK! WAAAAAAAAAAAALK!" and I yell, "I WIN! I WIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIN!"
Sometimes I feel like acting like a toddler when I don't get what I want.
There are a million ways my heart cries, "More!" Sometimes I want more love than I'm getting. Sometimes I want more attention from certain friends. Sometimes I want to feel more valuable. Sometimes I want to be a part of something bigger and more worthwhile. Sometimes I want more responsibility. Sometimes I want more time to myself.
Whatever I'm desiring at the moment, the feeling in my chest is the same: unsatisfied. I want more.
So I manipulate and coerce to get more.
I achieve and accomplish to be more.
I volunteer and apply to do more.
But it's never enough.
In Psalm 90:14 the author says to God, "Satisfy us in the morning with your unfailing love, that we may sing for joy and be glad all our days."
God can satisfy.
Psalm 81:13-16 says, "If my people would but listen to me...follow my ways...with honey from the rock I would satisfy [them]."
God wants to satisfy.
Psalm 145:16 says of God, "You open your hand and satisfy the desires of every living thing."
God does satisfy.
So what gives? Why am I so often unsatisfied if these verses are true? If it is well within this believer's reach, what do I need to do to experience satisfaction?
In a recent conversation with Him, God told me to invite Him to be enough.
He emphasized to me that He wants to fulfill me; I just haven't asked Him to lately (John 16:24).
When I find my heart asking for more, when I find myself feeling empty, depressed, or otherwise unsatisfied, God wants me to say, "Lord, come be enough."
Scripture says He is enough... Believe it, and ask Him to come be enough for you.
5.09.2011
How to Rejoice When You Don't Want to
When life sucks, I have a hard time rejoicing. But God wants believers to rejoice always (Philippians 4:4).
Always?
Surely God doesn't mean always. Because that's impossible.
How can we be expected to rejoice when we're stuck in a job we hate? Or when our kids are sick? Or when our marriage is at an all-time low? Or when the doctor tells us we are infertile? Or when we don't know how we're going to pay the mortgage this month?
How can a reasonable God require us to rejoice in these kinds of circumstances?
I think the answer is He doesn't.
He never calls us to rejoice in circumstances at all. He calls us to rejoice in Him, no matter what our circumstances look like.
I think this distinction is huge. It directly affects how we view God.
Philippians 4:4 reads, "Rejoice in the Lord always."
If we think God wants us to rejoice over the loss of a child or our recent divorce, then we'll see God as sadistic and unfeeling.
But if we think God wants us to rejoice in Him - His goodness and His unfailing love - while we're in the circumstances, then we'll see God as a compassionate Savior and a heroic Redeemer, offering us hope that we don't otherwise have.
Here's how that pans out in reality.
You've just moved to a new town where you have no friends or family to speak of. You are far from home. You feel isolated and depressed as you grieve the friendships you've left. You're hating life right now, loathing each and every minute. And the Lord says rejoice. If we hear this as "rejoice in your situation", we'll say, "There is nothing good about this situation. I am hurting! Even if I try to think positively about all the Lord might have in store for me in my new surroundings, that doesn't make my present pain any less." But, if we hear the command to rejoice as "rejoice in the Lord," we can say, "Lord, I hurt right now. The end of this pain is nowhere in sight. But I know that you love me, and I know you are in control. Thank you for being so trustworthy, especially when life is difficult."
The difference is, when we are rejoicing in who the Lord is instead of what our circumstances are, we are free to feel our pain. We can be honest about our emotions and don't have to feel guilty for not feeling joyful toward life.
Always?
Surely God doesn't mean always. Because that's impossible.
How can we be expected to rejoice when we're stuck in a job we hate? Or when our kids are sick? Or when our marriage is at an all-time low? Or when the doctor tells us we are infertile? Or when we don't know how we're going to pay the mortgage this month?
How can a reasonable God require us to rejoice in these kinds of circumstances?
I think the answer is He doesn't.
He never calls us to rejoice in circumstances at all. He calls us to rejoice in Him, no matter what our circumstances look like.
I think this distinction is huge. It directly affects how we view God.
Philippians 4:4 reads, "Rejoice in the Lord always."
If we think God wants us to rejoice over the loss of a child or our recent divorce, then we'll see God as sadistic and unfeeling.
But if we think God wants us to rejoice in Him - His goodness and His unfailing love - while we're in the circumstances, then we'll see God as a compassionate Savior and a heroic Redeemer, offering us hope that we don't otherwise have.
Here's how that pans out in reality.
You've just moved to a new town where you have no friends or family to speak of. You are far from home. You feel isolated and depressed as you grieve the friendships you've left. You're hating life right now, loathing each and every minute. And the Lord says rejoice. If we hear this as "rejoice in your situation", we'll say, "There is nothing good about this situation. I am hurting! Even if I try to think positively about all the Lord might have in store for me in my new surroundings, that doesn't make my present pain any less." But, if we hear the command to rejoice as "rejoice in the Lord," we can say, "Lord, I hurt right now. The end of this pain is nowhere in sight. But I know that you love me, and I know you are in control. Thank you for being so trustworthy, especially when life is difficult."
The difference is, when we are rejoicing in who the Lord is instead of what our circumstances are, we are free to feel our pain. We can be honest about our emotions and don't have to feel guilty for not feeling joyful toward life.
5.06.2011
Let's Be Honest...
There is a movement of sorts taking place in my generation. We could call it the Cut the Crap campaign. Or the We're Not Stupid initiative. Or the Who Do You Think You're Kidding drive. Whatever you want to call it, the idea is the same: we want blatant honesty.
We want transparency from our leaders, whether political, corporate or ecumenical. We want people to give it to us straight, even if they think it will hurt us, disappoint us, or make our opinions of them plummet. We want honesty no matter the cost.
There are people out there who would rather stick their heads in the sand than drag ugly situations into the light. Like toddlers playing hide and seek, these people think closing their eyes makes problems disappear. They spend their time trying to ignore hardships and fail to grow through their challenges.
There are other people out there who would rather paint a pretty picture than admit they don't have it all together. They know they don't have it all together, but their pride keeps them from letting the rest of us know they don't have it all together. They spend their time trying to hide difficulties and fail to heal from their pain.
Then there is a third group of people. They admit they have problems. They share those problems with others. Their honesty begets honesty, and they find their friends start sharing about their problems. They learn from one another. They see God work in each others lives. They become encouraged that He really does care. They worship the Lord who delivers them from hardship together. And they share His hope with others who have dared to admit that they are struggling.
These people grow.
And something amazing happens...the hope and love of Jesus Christ spread like wild fire.
I can't help but think that is what Church was always meant to be. People hurting together, inviting honesty, speaking truth from the Scriptures while they are hurting together, not pretending that life doesn't hurt, praying for one another, seeing God answer those prayers, rejoicing together, praising God for who He is and what He has done in their lives, and sharing that testimony with others. As near as I can tell, this description incorporates Bible study, prayer, worship and evangelism.
And it does it while being honest.
How can we make our churches more like this?
I think it starts with me and you getting real with those around us. That's risky, for sure, but the potential for richness of community with others and deeper intimacy in our relationships with God are worth that risk.
We are the Church. If we want the Church to be more transparent, let's be honest.
We want transparency from our leaders, whether political, corporate or ecumenical. We want people to give it to us straight, even if they think it will hurt us, disappoint us, or make our opinions of them plummet. We want honesty no matter the cost.
There are people out there who would rather stick their heads in the sand than drag ugly situations into the light. Like toddlers playing hide and seek, these people think closing their eyes makes problems disappear. They spend their time trying to ignore hardships and fail to grow through their challenges.
There are other people out there who would rather paint a pretty picture than admit they don't have it all together. They know they don't have it all together, but their pride keeps them from letting the rest of us know they don't have it all together. They spend their time trying to hide difficulties and fail to heal from their pain.
Then there is a third group of people. They admit they have problems. They share those problems with others. Their honesty begets honesty, and they find their friends start sharing about their problems. They learn from one another. They see God work in each others lives. They become encouraged that He really does care. They worship the Lord who delivers them from hardship together. And they share His hope with others who have dared to admit that they are struggling.
These people grow.
And something amazing happens...the hope and love of Jesus Christ spread like wild fire.
I can't help but think that is what Church was always meant to be. People hurting together, inviting honesty, speaking truth from the Scriptures while they are hurting together, not pretending that life doesn't hurt, praying for one another, seeing God answer those prayers, rejoicing together, praising God for who He is and what He has done in their lives, and sharing that testimony with others. As near as I can tell, this description incorporates Bible study, prayer, worship and evangelism.
And it does it while being honest.
How can we make our churches more like this?
I think it starts with me and you getting real with those around us. That's risky, for sure, but the potential for richness of community with others and deeper intimacy in our relationships with God are worth that risk.
We are the Church. If we want the Church to be more transparent, let's be honest.
5.05.2011
That's Impossible
There's a song called "What Faith Can Do", and it is playing like crazy on Christian radio right now. When I heard it this morning, this lyric really grabbed my attention:
Impossible is not a word; it's just a reason for someone not to try.
I think it hit home because I am NOTORIOUS for claiming that things I don't want to do or things at which I believe I will fail are "impossible", especially when those things involve obeying God. When God tells me to do something hard, uncomfortable or scary, I tell myself it's impossible. And I am so matter-of-fact about it, my heart doesn't even usually notice that I am just making excuses to be disobedient.
My current struggle with "impossible" comes as I think about the holy standard to which God calls us. Peter said in 1 Peter 1:15-16, "But just as he who called you is holy, so be holy in all you do; for it is written: 'Be holy, because I am holy.'"
When I think about the word "holy", I think of other words like "sinless", "pure", "perfect", and "impossible". I just cannot bring myself to believe that it is possible for any human to conduct himself in a holy manner for more than about five minutes. And that would be fine if that's what Peter meant. If his original letter had said, "But just as he who called you is holy, so be holy in small doses sporadically throughout your day," we'd all be in great shape. But that's not what Peter intended. We are to be holy all the time, just as God is holy all the time. God's essence is holiness. Holiness is not just another wonderful attribute about God that He chooses to display some of the time and shelf at other times. God is holy. Holy is what He is. He can't be unholy or do unholy things because that would go against His very nature.
But, contrary to popular belief, you and I are not God. We are not holy. Our very natures are unholy. We can't go one day without sinning, and we've never managed to eradicate that problem. Even us Christians, whose sin problems have been taken care of from an eternal perspective, still sin everyday. We are fallen, and it is impossible for us to be holy.
Or is it?
Scripture not only says that it is possible for us to be holy, it commands us to BE HOLY! Whenever my perception of reality (holiness is impossible) clashes with Scripture's depiction of reality (holiness is possible), I know I am the one that is wrong. After all, Scripture is holy, and I am not ;)
So, we are staring at this seemingly impossible standard - holiness - and we know we don't have what it takes to be holy, through and through, day in and day out. But if we want to honor God, we have to find a way to obey. What are we to do?
This is where I normally say, "Oh well. I can't do it. God knows I can't do it. Therefore, I am absolved of all responsibility to even try."
Right?
Wrong.
God knows I can't do it by myself. And He's not asking me to. He's not an unreasonable guy. He tells me in His Word how I can be successful in this "impossible" situation.
He says He will do it for me.
"Now it is God who makes both us and you stand firm in Christ" (2 Corinthians 1:21). God will make us stand firm - He will make us holy - if we are willing. Per 2 Corinthians 1:9, all we have to do is rely on God. He is the one with the power to help us accomplish the "impossible" things to which we are called. Now, He's not going to force us to trust Him. We have to choose. But if we are open to it, He is standing by, ready to make us stand firm, ready to make us holy.
Impossible is not a word; it's just a reason for someone not to try.
I think it hit home because I am NOTORIOUS for claiming that things I don't want to do or things at which I believe I will fail are "impossible", especially when those things involve obeying God. When God tells me to do something hard, uncomfortable or scary, I tell myself it's impossible. And I am so matter-of-fact about it, my heart doesn't even usually notice that I am just making excuses to be disobedient.
My current struggle with "impossible" comes as I think about the holy standard to which God calls us. Peter said in 1 Peter 1:15-16, "But just as he who called you is holy, so be holy in all you do; for it is written: 'Be holy, because I am holy.'"
When I think about the word "holy", I think of other words like "sinless", "pure", "perfect", and "impossible". I just cannot bring myself to believe that it is possible for any human to conduct himself in a holy manner for more than about five minutes. And that would be fine if that's what Peter meant. If his original letter had said, "But just as he who called you is holy, so be holy in small doses sporadically throughout your day," we'd all be in great shape. But that's not what Peter intended. We are to be holy all the time, just as God is holy all the time. God's essence is holiness. Holiness is not just another wonderful attribute about God that He chooses to display some of the time and shelf at other times. God is holy. Holy is what He is. He can't be unholy or do unholy things because that would go against His very nature.
But, contrary to popular belief, you and I are not God. We are not holy. Our very natures are unholy. We can't go one day without sinning, and we've never managed to eradicate that problem. Even us Christians, whose sin problems have been taken care of from an eternal perspective, still sin everyday. We are fallen, and it is impossible for us to be holy.
Or is it?
Scripture not only says that it is possible for us to be holy, it commands us to BE HOLY! Whenever my perception of reality (holiness is impossible) clashes with Scripture's depiction of reality (holiness is possible), I know I am the one that is wrong. After all, Scripture is holy, and I am not ;)
So, we are staring at this seemingly impossible standard - holiness - and we know we don't have what it takes to be holy, through and through, day in and day out. But if we want to honor God, we have to find a way to obey. What are we to do?
This is where I normally say, "Oh well. I can't do it. God knows I can't do it. Therefore, I am absolved of all responsibility to even try."
Right?
Wrong.
God knows I can't do it by myself. And He's not asking me to. He's not an unreasonable guy. He tells me in His Word how I can be successful in this "impossible" situation.
He says He will do it for me.
"Now it is God who makes both us and you stand firm in Christ" (2 Corinthians 1:21). God will make us stand firm - He will make us holy - if we are willing. Per 2 Corinthians 1:9, all we have to do is rely on God. He is the one with the power to help us accomplish the "impossible" things to which we are called. Now, He's not going to force us to trust Him. We have to choose. But if we are open to it, He is standing by, ready to make us stand firm, ready to make us holy.
5.03.2011
The Point of Pain
A popular argument agnostics and atheists like to use to justify their unbelief in God is that if God existed, there wouldn't be pain in this world. If God existed, they say, He'd be powerful enough and good enough to make our lives pain-free. There would be no tornadoes, no Osama bin Laden's, no domestic violence, no cancer, no anything unpleasant at all. In the unbeliever's mind, the mere existence of suffering proves that God, at least as we Christians define Him (all-powerful, all-knowing, completely good, etc.), does not exist.
But there is a problem with this argument.
Those who argue to this end assume they understand what God's chief objective is. They assume that God's whole point for doing anything is to make us humans happy. Don't get me wrong, I would love for that to be the case. I would love for it to be all about me. Truth be told, I often act like it is all about me and my contentedness.
But it's not.
The end all be all of life is not to have 7 billion happy people running around the planet kumbaya-ing. That would be nice. And God wouldn't mind if we managed to work that out. But, unlike John Lennon, that simply isn't God's main objective for humanity.
God is concerned about more than our happiness.
Notice I did NOT say God is unconcerned with our happiness. He is very much affected by our pain. He grieves for and with us in our suffering (John 11:33-35). He responds with great compassion when we are hurting, which He certainly would not do if He didn't care about our pain (2 Corinthians 1:3-4).
But He is even more concerned with something bigger than our hurt.
His primary concern is having a living, breathing, active, dynamic relationship with each and every person on this planet. Like a father of multiple children, God longs to spend as much quality time as possible with each of us. Why? Just because He loves us. Oh, and it also happens to be in our best interest. The more time we spend really connecting with God, the better off we are. We have more peace, even in the midst of suffering (John 14:27). We gain wisdom and understanding about all kinds of things (Colossians 2:2-3). We become more effective at showing unbelievers that a personal relationship with God is not only possible, it is the most rewarding relationship we can pursue (1 John 5:10-11).
More than our earthly happiness, God wants an eternal relationship with us. And sometimes it takes pain in our lives for us to realize that.
Paul understood that. And he told the church of Corinth about it in 2 Corinthians 1:8-24. As Paul talks about hardships he faced in Asia, he said, "We were under great pressure, far beyond our ability to endure, so that we despaired even of life. Indeed, in our hearts we felt the sentence of death" (2 Corinthians 1:8-9). Paul is talking about extreme suffering and pain. How many of us can relate on an emotional level? We find ourselves in circumstances that feel "beyond our ability to endure", causing us to "despair even of life."
Why does a good God let us experience such utter misery?
Paul's explanation is, "this happened that we might not rely on ourselves but on God, who raises the dead" (2 Corinthians 1:9).
What?
God allows us to suffer, even though He could stop it, so we might rely on Him? You mean He is more concerned about relationship with us than He is about our happiness?
Before you tell me you don't want a relationship with a sadistically self-centered God like that, let me make one more point.
Our complete happiness can only be found in relationship with God.
We Americans tend to be an either/or society. Things are black or white, right or wrong, this or that. Never both. Never simultaneously.
Yet, this is not an either/or situation. We are not choosing between happiness or a relationship with God. We can have both. In fact, we can't truly have either independently. A relationship with God births a capacity for happiness in our lives that does not exist without that relationship being in place (John 15:9-11). I'm not talking prosperity gospel here, which says, "Accept Jesus and you 'll be healthy, wealthy and care-free." Believers certainly have their fair share of hurtful situations. But they also have the ability to find peace, fulfillment, and joy in the midst of pain (James 1:2-4). Not when it is all over; not when things are wonderful; right smack in the middle of their worst days.
Pain has a point. Pain is supposed to drive us deeper into relationship with God. If we aren't letting pain accomplish that, we are suffering for nothing.
Make your pain count.
But there is a problem with this argument.
Those who argue to this end assume they understand what God's chief objective is. They assume that God's whole point for doing anything is to make us humans happy. Don't get me wrong, I would love for that to be the case. I would love for it to be all about me. Truth be told, I often act like it is all about me and my contentedness.
But it's not.
The end all be all of life is not to have 7 billion happy people running around the planet kumbaya-ing. That would be nice. And God wouldn't mind if we managed to work that out. But, unlike John Lennon, that simply isn't God's main objective for humanity.
God is concerned about more than our happiness.
Notice I did NOT say God is unconcerned with our happiness. He is very much affected by our pain. He grieves for and with us in our suffering (John 11:33-35). He responds with great compassion when we are hurting, which He certainly would not do if He didn't care about our pain (2 Corinthians 1:3-4).
But He is even more concerned with something bigger than our hurt.
His primary concern is having a living, breathing, active, dynamic relationship with each and every person on this planet. Like a father of multiple children, God longs to spend as much quality time as possible with each of us. Why? Just because He loves us. Oh, and it also happens to be in our best interest. The more time we spend really connecting with God, the better off we are. We have more peace, even in the midst of suffering (John 14:27). We gain wisdom and understanding about all kinds of things (Colossians 2:2-3). We become more effective at showing unbelievers that a personal relationship with God is not only possible, it is the most rewarding relationship we can pursue (1 John 5:10-11).
More than our earthly happiness, God wants an eternal relationship with us. And sometimes it takes pain in our lives for us to realize that.
Paul understood that. And he told the church of Corinth about it in 2 Corinthians 1:8-24. As Paul talks about hardships he faced in Asia, he said, "We were under great pressure, far beyond our ability to endure, so that we despaired even of life. Indeed, in our hearts we felt the sentence of death" (2 Corinthians 1:8-9). Paul is talking about extreme suffering and pain. How many of us can relate on an emotional level? We find ourselves in circumstances that feel "beyond our ability to endure", causing us to "despair even of life."
Why does a good God let us experience such utter misery?
Paul's explanation is, "this happened that we might not rely on ourselves but on God, who raises the dead" (2 Corinthians 1:9).
What?
God allows us to suffer, even though He could stop it, so we might rely on Him? You mean He is more concerned about relationship with us than He is about our happiness?
Before you tell me you don't want a relationship with a sadistically self-centered God like that, let me make one more point.
Our complete happiness can only be found in relationship with God.
We Americans tend to be an either/or society. Things are black or white, right or wrong, this or that. Never both. Never simultaneously.
Yet, this is not an either/or situation. We are not choosing between happiness or a relationship with God. We can have both. In fact, we can't truly have either independently. A relationship with God births a capacity for happiness in our lives that does not exist without that relationship being in place (John 15:9-11). I'm not talking prosperity gospel here, which says, "Accept Jesus and you 'll be healthy, wealthy and care-free." Believers certainly have their fair share of hurtful situations. But they also have the ability to find peace, fulfillment, and joy in the midst of pain (James 1:2-4). Not when it is all over; not when things are wonderful; right smack in the middle of their worst days.
Pain has a point. Pain is supposed to drive us deeper into relationship with God. If we aren't letting pain accomplish that, we are suffering for nothing.
Make your pain count.
4.30.2011
Hope For the Hopeless
I'm not an optimistic person.
I know, I know, those of you who know me are shocked. The truth is I'd like to be an optimist, I just don't think it will happen.
Although I prefer to call myself a "realist" in lieu of being a self-proclaimed "pessimist", I think it is more accurate to say I don't pretend life is easy. While it's true that I have a pretty cushy gig as a stay-at-home mom in a first world country, the fact remains that life, to some degree, is hard for everyone on every continent. And that's because we are all dealing with unmet expectations.
The orphan on the streets of Ethiopia's impoverished capital is disappointed he can't find food to dull his hunger.
The pastor at a mega church in Memphis, Tennessee, is disheartened to see congregants file out of his church each week, no more excited about the Lord than when they came in.
The young parents are devastated when their three-year-old is killed by a drunk driver.
The corporate manager is discouraged when he is abruptly laid off.
We all get gut-kicked in life. Things don't work out the way we plan. We get broadsided by inconveniences and tragedies alike. Life gets interrupted sometimes. Our expectations are often left dangling in the wind.
And we feel hopeless.
We start to believe life will never be good again, or at least not as good as it was. We simply cannot conceive of how our current disappointment could possibly work out for our good (Romans 8:28).
We despair that we will never be fulfilled again. Surely what we had or what we want is what is best for us (Genesis 3:6). And, yet, God is showing us that we cannot have it (Genesis 3:3)... "I will never be happy again," plays over and over in our minds, becoming less of a statement of emotion and more of a statement of fact with each repetition.
We become convinced that the pain will never lessen. How could it? Everything has changed; there is no going back; the pain will always be...
We cross over from feeling hopeless to acting hopeless... and Satan smiles.
He has accomplished his objective.
When Satan can get believers to buy the lie that things are hopeless, we start living hopeless lives. We stop living in light of the hope that is Jesus Christ (Titus 2:13). And, in turn, we stop showing the world why He is worth following.
Contrary to whatever hopeless feelings we may be experiencing, those of us who have a relationship with Jesus have been called to hope. In Ephesians 1:18, Paul says, "I pray also that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which [God the Father] has called you." Pray that for yourself or anyone else you know who is battling hopelessness. That chapter goes on to describe the hope to which believers have been called as, "the riches of [God the Father's] glorious inheritance in the saints, and his incomparably great power for us who believe." Our hope is based on the facts that we will receive eternal life in the future AND that we have God's incomparable power on our side in our present circumstances.
The exact same power that raised Christ from the dead is FOR us in this life (Ephesians 1:20)!
It's hard for me to feel hopeless about anything when I am living in that truth... Believers have access to the most genuine hope there is. It is not fluffy, "think positive", mind-over-matter, "I think I can" garbage. It is authentic hope that is as trustworthy as the Source from which it comes. It is real, and we can live in it if we choose.
I know, I know, those of you who know me are shocked. The truth is I'd like to be an optimist, I just don't think it will happen.
Although I prefer to call myself a "realist" in lieu of being a self-proclaimed "pessimist", I think it is more accurate to say I don't pretend life is easy. While it's true that I have a pretty cushy gig as a stay-at-home mom in a first world country, the fact remains that life, to some degree, is hard for everyone on every continent. And that's because we are all dealing with unmet expectations.
The orphan on the streets of Ethiopia's impoverished capital is disappointed he can't find food to dull his hunger.
The pastor at a mega church in Memphis, Tennessee, is disheartened to see congregants file out of his church each week, no more excited about the Lord than when they came in.
The young parents are devastated when their three-year-old is killed by a drunk driver.
The corporate manager is discouraged when he is abruptly laid off.
We all get gut-kicked in life. Things don't work out the way we plan. We get broadsided by inconveniences and tragedies alike. Life gets interrupted sometimes. Our expectations are often left dangling in the wind.
And we feel hopeless.
We start to believe life will never be good again, or at least not as good as it was. We simply cannot conceive of how our current disappointment could possibly work out for our good (Romans 8:28).
We despair that we will never be fulfilled again. Surely what we had or what we want is what is best for us (Genesis 3:6). And, yet, God is showing us that we cannot have it (Genesis 3:3)... "I will never be happy again," plays over and over in our minds, becoming less of a statement of emotion and more of a statement of fact with each repetition.
We become convinced that the pain will never lessen. How could it? Everything has changed; there is no going back; the pain will always be...
We cross over from feeling hopeless to acting hopeless... and Satan smiles.
He has accomplished his objective.
When Satan can get believers to buy the lie that things are hopeless, we start living hopeless lives. We stop living in light of the hope that is Jesus Christ (Titus 2:13). And, in turn, we stop showing the world why He is worth following.
Contrary to whatever hopeless feelings we may be experiencing, those of us who have a relationship with Jesus have been called to hope. In Ephesians 1:18, Paul says, "I pray also that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which [God the Father] has called you." Pray that for yourself or anyone else you know who is battling hopelessness. That chapter goes on to describe the hope to which believers have been called as, "the riches of [God the Father's] glorious inheritance in the saints, and his incomparably great power for us who believe." Our hope is based on the facts that we will receive eternal life in the future AND that we have God's incomparable power on our side in our present circumstances.
The exact same power that raised Christ from the dead is FOR us in this life (Ephesians 1:20)!
It's hard for me to feel hopeless about anything when I am living in that truth... Believers have access to the most genuine hope there is. It is not fluffy, "think positive", mind-over-matter, "I think I can" garbage. It is authentic hope that is as trustworthy as the Source from which it comes. It is real, and we can live in it if we choose.
Lexi Marie - No Longer Three
(Although this blog doesn't focus on my kids anymore, each year I write a letter to my girls on their birthdays, and I want to share Lexi's 4th birthday letter here. It's my sweet, sentimental way of reflecting on their past year of life and documenting my love for them to read in the future. You can read Lexi's other letters here.)
Dear Sweet Lexi,
Today we are celebrating your 4th birthday! We had a Little Mermaid birthday party this morning, even though you have never seen the movie nor do you ever want to. Why you picked Little Mermaid for your party I will never know... But it was your final choice after changing your mind about 16 times, so we went with it.
While I am a little bit sad that there is no trace of baby left on you, I am delighted with the little girl you've become. You love life. You love being outside, blowing bubbles, going to the park, and taking walks. You love reading and coloring. You love dressing up like a ballerina or a princess. You love being a girl: painting your nails, wearing cute dresses and putting on lip gloss. You love to laugh. In fact, you tell me the same two knock-knock jokes every single day, cracking up as you do and expecting me to do the same.
As I think about you, two things really stand out in my mind: you love to learn, and you love people.
I am not exaggerating when I say I think you ask at least 1,000 questions every. single. day. You are curious about EVERYTHING. A lot of your questions are still informational. You want to know what every word means, for example. One time you were watching Curious George on TV, and you said, "Mommy, am I curious?" Yes, little one, you are. You've also started asking more spiritual and theoretical questions this year. A couple of months ago, you said, "I bet there will be BIG trees in Heaven. I wonder if Zaccheus will be in one?"
Your mind is always at work. You've begun reading some this year. Last week you read 5 books to me and got so excited every time you successfully sounded out a word. You've also started adding and subtracting this year. I have no doubt your insatiable curiosity and your eagerness to learn will take you far in life. And when you find yourself accomplishing great things academically, I pray you're able to feel proud of yourself without feeling like your achievements define you. They don't. Whether you make straight A's or straight F's, whether you get into the college you want or not, whether you become all that you want to be or fall on your face trying, your value will never change. You are worth the very blood of Christ today, tomorrow, and forever.
While your intelligence impresses me, your love inspires me. Without even having to think about it, you genuinely love others. I'll use your relationship with your baby sister as an example. Not once since Allie came along have you ever been jealous of her or resentful that she "took your place" as the baby of the family. You absolutely adore her. Not one day passes that you don't tell her you love her, shower her with hugs and kisses, and try to make her happy. You serve her with a joyful heart, getting her cup for her or helping her with a toy. I don't have to prod you to love her; you just do. I am so thankful for your sweet relationship and pray it will only deepen as you grow up together.
Besides your dad and me, the most important people in your life right now are your grandparents. You are blessed to have all of them within 15 miles, and they are young and healthy enough to spoil you with attention, affection, sweet treats, and gifts. Your mere existence brings a palpable joy to them, and I am thankful you have the opportunity to know them well.
Just as in years past, you've surpassed some milestones this year as well. In August you had your first broken bone. You fell down the stairs and broke your left forearm in two places. It was a sad thing, for sure, but you looked so cute in your tiny cast, and you never complained once about being uncomfortable or being unable to do certain activities. You took it all in stride, adapted, and found joy in your circumstances. I pray you will always be that flexible and upbeat no matter what comes your way.
In October I took you on your first trip to the beach. Grandma, Grandpa, you and I drove to Naples, FL, to visit Grandma's dad. There is no other place on earth where I feel God's presence so easily as I do at the beach, so I was excited to introduce you to the ocean. And you loved it, too! I so look forward to mother-daughter conversations on the beach in the future.
As you say goodbye to 3 and press on as a 4 year old, I can only imagine what wonderful memories we are going to make. I thank God for the privilege of being a parent, but I thank Him even more for the extra special blessing it is to be YOUR mommy.
I love you, Lexi Lou. Happy Birthday!
Love forever,
Mommy
Dear Sweet Lexi,
Today we are celebrating your 4th birthday! We had a Little Mermaid birthday party this morning, even though you have never seen the movie nor do you ever want to. Why you picked Little Mermaid for your party I will never know... But it was your final choice after changing your mind about 16 times, so we went with it.
While I am a little bit sad that there is no trace of baby left on you, I am delighted with the little girl you've become. You love life. You love being outside, blowing bubbles, going to the park, and taking walks. You love reading and coloring. You love dressing up like a ballerina or a princess. You love being a girl: painting your nails, wearing cute dresses and putting on lip gloss. You love to laugh. In fact, you tell me the same two knock-knock jokes every single day, cracking up as you do and expecting me to do the same.
As I think about you, two things really stand out in my mind: you love to learn, and you love people.
I am not exaggerating when I say I think you ask at least 1,000 questions every. single. day. You are curious about EVERYTHING. A lot of your questions are still informational. You want to know what every word means, for example. One time you were watching Curious George on TV, and you said, "Mommy, am I curious?" Yes, little one, you are. You've also started asking more spiritual and theoretical questions this year. A couple of months ago, you said, "I bet there will be BIG trees in Heaven. I wonder if Zaccheus will be in one?"
Besides your dad and me, the most important people in your life right now are your grandparents. You are blessed to have all of them within 15 miles, and they are young and healthy enough to spoil you with attention, affection, sweet treats, and gifts. Your mere existence brings a palpable joy to them, and I am thankful you have the opportunity to know them well.Just as in years past, you've surpassed some milestones this year as well. In August you had your first broken bone. You fell down the stairs and broke your left forearm in two places. It was a sad thing, for sure, but you looked so cute in your tiny cast, and you never complained once about being uncomfortable or being unable to do certain activities. You took it all in stride, adapted, and found joy in your circumstances. I pray you will always be that flexible and upbeat no matter what comes your way.
As you say goodbye to 3 and press on as a 4 year old, I can only imagine what wonderful memories we are going to make. I thank God for the privilege of being a parent, but I thank Him even more for the extra special blessing it is to be YOUR mommy.
Love forever,
Mommy
4.27.2011
Daily Dose of Grace
I hope you never get tired of hearing about grace. I guess if you did you would've stopped coming here a long time ago.
A writer I enjoy, Jon Acuff, wrote about grace today, and he marveled at the idea that a holy God is also a God of second chances. Actually, this side of death, He is a God of innumerable chances. Whether we believe in God or not, every single day God gives us chances to choose Him. But that isn't even the most amazing part.
The mind-blowing part is that God gives us chances to choose Him even though we've NOT chosen Him COUNTLESS times before.
Who does that?! Who in their right mind offers that kind of grace? Even the "best" people tire of turning the other cheek. Even the most loving people retreat from hurtful relationships after being taken advantage of umpteen times. Even the most Christlike people give up on those who neglect them for too long.
Surely the God of the universe, perfect in every way, has the right to rescind His offer of unconditional love and His promise of Heaven if we show Him we don't want Him one too many times.
Make no mistake, He DOES have every right to do that...
But He chooses not to...
He chooses to give us another chance to know Him and experience His unfailing love TODAY, no matter how we've rejected Him in the past. And, if we wake up tomorrow, He'll give us another chance then, too...
Why?
Because He loves us. (Jeremiah 31:3; Zephaniah 3:17)
That's it. It is no more complicated than that.
God wants to give YOU grace.
GOD wants to give you grace.
God WANTS to give you grace.
God wants to GIVE you grace.
God wants to give you GRACE!
4.23.2011
Don't Judge a Book By Its Cover
And I, being the cynical rebel I am, refused to read any of them just out of principle. If there are a million different versions of something, I suspect there are greedy execs somewhere selling the same old thing with different pronouns inserted, and I don't want to support them. But, the main reason I never picked up my demographic's book was because I didn't see the need - I don't struggle with sexual purity in any of the typical ways I assumed these books would address (affairs, pornography, homosexual desires, etc.).
But then something weird happened.
Within a week's time, Every Woman's Battle was recommended TWICE to a group of people I "just happened" to be sitting in. When it was recommended the first time, I thought, "Hmm, maybe I should check that out," and promptly forgot about it... Then it was recommended the second time, and I thought, "Hmm, maybe God really wants me to read this book... I'll go read the back cover at the bookstore." And when I read that back cover, I thought, "THIS BOOK IS TALKING TO ME!", which was both exciting and horrifying at the same time.
It was exciting because how often does a book nail you right where you are? ("Not often" is the answer I am looking for.) But it was horrifying because I knew if I read the book, it would tell me how to change my bad patterns... and if I KNEW how to change those bad patterns, then I'd be held responsible to actually do it... I could no longer claim ignorance before the Lord. If I read the book, He'd use it to highlight a problem in my life, He'd use it to show me how to correct that problem, and I'd be left with a decision: obey or disobey. That's it... no more "I didn't realize that was a sin, Lord," or "but I don't know how to change, Lord." The rubber would meet the road, and I didn't know if I was really ready for that....
Sometimes sin is just so comfortable and the thought of changing is just so daunting...
Turns out the woman's version of this book on sexual purity is really more like a book on total purity... Mental, emotional, spiritual, and physical... The fact is a lot of us women don't struggle with physical sexual sin (pornography, affairs, homosexuality, etc.). Purity is more of a mind game with the majority of us. Consciously or subconsciously, we envision ourselves being in relationships with other men besides our husbands, and, when we feed that kind of day-dreaming with romance novels or TV shows or by cultivating friendships with other men, WE ARE SINNING. We are sabotaging our marriages.
Had I known this book was more about the emotional ways women struggle than the physical, I would've picked it up a long time ago.
I am five chapters in right now... I'll let you know how it turns out... In the meantime, if you are looking for a new book, pick it up....you just might find yourself in the pages...
...unless you're male.
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