Better

God is pretty tricky. 

He lures us into wanting to have kids by making newborns adorably snuggley.  Their heads smell good, and their outfits are so cute we can't stand it. 

Lexi

Allie

Then they start to grow. 

They learn to talk and think and ask questions.  They study your every move and file away every word that comes out of your mouth.  And, slowly but surely, they are shaped into mini-you's.  These little people start to act just like the grown ups they are around most. 

And that would be fantastic if everything that I said and did honored the Lord.

I want better for my kids than I do for myself.  I require them to eat more fruit and vegetables while I eat donuts and ice cream.  I make them brush their teeth every night before bed, and then I pass out without giving a second thought to my own dental health.  My kids take vitamins each morning.  I stopped taking vitamins as soon as I birthed them (but I took my prenatal vitamins religiously because those babies I was carrying needed them...).  I make sure to read the Bible and have a devotional with my 4 year old every day...sometimes I don't crack my own Bible for an entire week. 

You can call me a hypocrite if you want.  But, mostly, I just want the best for my kids.  That's my focus.  I am not my priority.  I fall by the wayside. 

And that would be okay if everything I said and did honored the Lord.

If my two girls mimicked my Christian awesomeness and were somehow oblivious to my hurtful brokenness, then I wouldn't have to address my baggage.  I wouldn't have to go to the Lord and allow Him to do open-heart surgery on me. 

If it were just me, I'd be content to only brush once a day, only eat vegetables when they are on top of pizza, and continue living out of my own self-centered defense mechanisms.  I'd be fine never learning how to relate in a healthier way to God and to others.  I'd be unmotivated to better myself.

And God knew that.

So He gave me two beautiful little girls to "encourage" me to work through my crap.  If I want them to be confident women who love the Lord and others, I have to model that. 

Gulp.

I HAVE TO MODEL THAT?!

You mean I - the chick who hasn't willingly purchased a dress since my wedding gown 6.5 years ago - have to become confident in my femininity?  I - the tomboy turned wife and mother - have to develop godly female friendships?  I - the woman who thinks more about how others should be serving her than how she can serve them - have to develop a compassionate heart for those around me?

No wonder God makes babies so irresistible.  If He told us on the front end that having a kid would emotionally manipulate us into surrendering to Him for a lot of painful renovations, WE'D NEVER DO IT!

If God put all His cards on the table before we had a chance to fall head over heels in love with our little bundles of joy, that would be the end of the human race.  We'd refuse to procreate out of fear that our subsequent soul reconstruction would be too hard, too painful.  We'd live in that fear the rest of our lives, missing the innumerable blessings children bring. 

Even worse, we'd miss the innumerable blessings that follow cooperating with God to allow Him to heal our wounds.

And Now For Something Completely Different

I have some friends that are very ordinary.  But they did an extraordinary thing.  They responded to God's leading them in a direction they never would have walked in under "normal" circumstances.  He told them to leave Memphis, move to Addis Ababa, Ethiopia, and start being part of the solution to the worldwide orphan crisis.  These newlyweds started The Forsaken Children, a ministry that addresses the physical, emotional and spiritual needs of the 100,000 homeless, family-less, Christ-less children in the capital city of Ethiopia. 

As the ministry expands, more and more of my friends are getting involved.  Some are traveling there on short-term mission trips.  Some are staying there for longer periods of time, developing new ways to reach the children.  Some are donating money each month to support what's going on over there.  Some are praying daily for the ministry.

Personally, Elian and I are giving ten measly bucks each month.  Not much, right?  Check out an article I wrote on The Forsaken Children website explaining why we give and how ten dollars change two kids' lives forever.

The Kind of Encouragement You Don't Want

There is a downside to the fact that God wants what is best for us: He is willing to do whatever it takes to get us to cooperate with His plan. 

If you subscribe to the concept of free will, then God is never going to force us to do anything.  But He will arrange circumstances to "encourage" us to move toward Him.

Hebrews 12:7 tells us to "endure hardship as discipline."  I'm not sure when the word discipline got its negative connotation, but, originally, it was a positive thing.  Discipline meant "instruction which aims at increasing virtue" (BLB).  And that's how the author of Hebrews is using the word, too.  He says, "God disciplines us for our good, that we may share in his holiness," and discipline "produces a harvest of righteousness and peace" (Hebrews 12:10-11).

Holiness.  Righteousness.  Peace.

These are all things I want.  These are all things God wants for me.  But when I can't see how obeying God in a given situation is going to help me reach these goals, God is willing to do whatever He has to in order to adjust my vision.  He is willing to send hardship.  He is willing to discipline in the hopes that I will be trained by it (Hebrews 12:11).

He can correct me all day long, but if I refuse to learn from the discipline, I'll never share in his holiness or righteousness or peace.   Instead, I'll stay in my selfishness and turmoil.  And God, in turn, will have to tweak my circumstances once again in order to show me the way I am operating is not in my best interest. 

A long time ago, God told Jeremiah, "In vain I punished your people; they did not respond to correction" (Jeremiah 2:30).  God was exasperated with Israel!  Year after year they traded His Glory for worthless idols (Jeremiah 2:11).  The rest of the book tells of how Israel is unwilling to do what is in their best interest.  They are unwilling to be trained by the discipline God has been employing.  He is going to have to go to extreme measures if He wants to convince Israel that their idol worship is bad for them.  So He does.  He lets Judah be conquered, and the Israelites were taken into captivity for 70 years.

SEVENTY YEARS!

I don't want God to have to go to extremes to get my attention.  I don't want Him to have to keep turning up the heat because I am so stubborn I refuse to pursue what's best for me.  I want to respond immediately to His discipline.  I want to be trained by it.  I want to trust Him enough to obey Him even when I can't see how anything good will come from it.

A Penny for Your Praise

In case you've ever wondered, the key to winning my affection is to praise me a whole lot.

Like a puppy in obedience school, my tail wags, and I jump up and down uncontrollably anytime anyone throws a compliment my way.  Since childhood society has been teaching me that if I perform well, I get metaphorical treats in the form of good grades, kind words, and pats on the back.  Conversely, if I perform poorly, I experience ridicule, feelings of isolation, and my self-worth goes down the toilet.

I want that praise.  I need that praise.  

The good news is that this is a legitimate longing.  It is not wrong or bad to desire encouragement and appreciation.

The bad news is I tend to ALWAYS look to people for my confidence boost.   And, in case you haven't noticed, people are fickle.  They are unreliable.  They are here today and gone tomorrow.  And even the more consistent people are incapable of heaping on enough praise to satisfy my constantly wavering self-esteem.  People don't have that kind of time and energy to make their life's mission to encourage me (or you).

The Bible goes so far as to say that people who trust in men for their strength are cursed (Jeremiah 17:5).  Cursed?  Seems harsh.  In the next verse, the Lord says that those of us who trust in men instead of God "will be like [bushes] in the wastelands; [we] will not see prosperity when it comes.  [We] will dwell in the parched places of the desert, in a salt land where no one lives" (Jeremiah 17:6). 

So we are stuck with a great big problem.  We need praise and encouragement.  But when we seek it from those around us, we feel like we are dying of thirst, unable to recognize blessings in our lives, overwhelmed with loneliness.

In a word, we are cursed. 

I can vouch for this.  My favorite place to seek encouragement is from godly men.  I want to know that men I respect love me.  I want men my dad's age to tell me they are proud of me.  I want men my brother's age to tell me they believe in me.  Basically, I want all men everywhere to praise me every second of every day.

What, too much?

The funny thing is my soul would still say THAT'S NOT ENOUGH!

But God doesn't leave us hanging.  We aren't destined to be cursed.  He offers us a way out.

Verse 7 says, "But blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord, whose confidence is in him.  He will be like a tree planted by the water that sends out its roots by the stream.  It does not fear when heat comes; its leaves are always green.  It has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to bear fruit" (Jeremiah 17:7).

When we go to God to get our praise needs met, we have a constant source of nourishment.  We are unfazed by difficult circumstances.  When no one is there to encourage us, we don't worry.  Instead, we remain confident and continue to mature in our faith. 

In a word, we are blessed.

It's easier to look to people for affirmation.  But it is infinitely more satisfying to look to God.