Who's Really in Control?

I'll just go ahead and tell you that Elian and I think we'd be perfectly happy if I never become pregnant again. Don't get me wrong, we LOVE our children and realize as fully as humans can how enormously blessed we are to have had the opportunity to have not one, but two babies. But we also HATE it when I'm pregnant. From the sickness to the fatigue to the all around discomfort, neither Elian nor I feel the need to revisit that particular state.

Given that I am 26 and he is 31, it is understandable that my doctor is hesitant to do anything permanent in the way of birth control. Too many young couples end up regretting the decision. So she suggested that we either continue to take the pill or consider an IUD. Both work in similar ways. And one of those ways is to prevent an "accidentally" fertilized egg from being able to attach to the uterine wall, effectively killing the egg.

If you believe, like we do, that life begins at conception, then what is happening, practically speaking, should be called abortion. This conclusion is not new to me. I've thought about it a lot over the years. But I've always quickly suppressed this knowledge so I could continue to "control" whether or not we procreate. I've feared getting off birth control just like any sane person would fear winding up with 20 kids. The way I see it, though, is we only have 2 options if we want to honor the sanctity of life: use barrier methods or get fixed.

So I find myself at a crossroads. I feel the Holy Spirit pricking my conscience once again, telling me to stop using abortifacient contraceptives. And I have a choice. Will I let the fear of what could happen while not on the pill stop me from obeying the conviction I feel is coming from God? Or will I chose to obey and trust that God is in control of the future of our family, no matter what kind of contraceptive choice we make, and that He only wants good things for us?

Priscilla Shirer said that when she has to make a decision between two options, and she finds that the ONLY reason she won't choose option A is because she feels scared, she usually chooses option A. Her reasoning is that fear is not from God. Satan wants to keep us from obeying God because it propels our relationship with Him to the next level. So Satan tries to scare us out of obeying.

Something to think about...

I ♥ John

Unless you've been living under a rock (and even then, only if you didn't have a wireless internet connection under said rock), you know that John Calipari has resigned as the U of M head basketball coach to go coach at Kentucky.

When the rumors really kicked up 3 or 4 days ago, I was surprised at the intense emotional reaction I had to the thought of Cal leaving. Although I have followed the Tigers for a good 5 years, I never realized how unreasonably in love I was with Coach Cal. I enjoyed his down-to-earth charisma every time he spoke to the media, I loved his coaching/recruiting prowess, I applauded his demands that his players go to class, graduate, and stay out of trouble off the court, and I sympathized with him every time he limped across the court in his pre-hip surgery days. And, of course, he won games. With him on the sidelines, fans never lost hope that the Tigers could pull it out if they got behind in a game or pummel even the most prestigious of opponents.

I guess that's why I was instantly transported back to high school emotionalism when I heard he was seriously considering leaving Memphis. It felt like a high school break up in the middle of the cafeteria. At first I was confused - how could Cal leave his baby? He transformed the program from mediocre (at best) to consistently phenomenal... how could he walk away from that? Then I was angry - how could Cal lie to us only one week earlier, telling reporters that Memphis is where he wanted to be? I know, I know, all coaches have to say that to keep up appearances, but that doesn't fly with me. Lying is lying no matter how you rationalize it, and when my high school sweetheart of 9 years lies to me, I am catapulted beyond anger and land smack in the middle of hateful. I began to wish Cal would die a horrible, painful death, and that nobody would ask him to prom, much like I wished upon many ex-boyfriends who shall remain nameless.

Then it hit me: how could I suddenly well up with such extreme hatred toward someone I had "loved" so much? It was kind of scary. And definitely irrational. And when I called a spade a spade, I was somehow able to come to terms with the situation: John is an amazing coach, and, from what I can tell, a wonderful person, and though I am sad to see him leave Memphis, I really do want the best for him at UK. Besides, I don't think he'd really want to go to prom anyway.