Better

God is pretty tricky. 

He lures us into wanting to have kids by making newborns adorably snuggley.  Their heads smell good, and their outfits are so cute we can't stand it. 

Lexi

Allie

Then they start to grow. 

They learn to talk and think and ask questions.  They study your every move and file away every word that comes out of your mouth.  And, slowly but surely, they are shaped into mini-you's.  These little people start to act just like the grown ups they are around most. 

And that would be fantastic if everything that I said and did honored the Lord.

I want better for my kids than I do for myself.  I require them to eat more fruit and vegetables while I eat donuts and ice cream.  I make them brush their teeth every night before bed, and then I pass out without giving a second thought to my own dental health.  My kids take vitamins each morning.  I stopped taking vitamins as soon as I birthed them (but I took my prenatal vitamins religiously because those babies I was carrying needed them...).  I make sure to read the Bible and have a devotional with my 4 year old every day...sometimes I don't crack my own Bible for an entire week. 

You can call me a hypocrite if you want.  But, mostly, I just want the best for my kids.  That's my focus.  I am not my priority.  I fall by the wayside. 

And that would be okay if everything I said and did honored the Lord.

If my two girls mimicked my Christian awesomeness and were somehow oblivious to my hurtful brokenness, then I wouldn't have to address my baggage.  I wouldn't have to go to the Lord and allow Him to do open-heart surgery on me. 

If it were just me, I'd be content to only brush once a day, only eat vegetables when they are on top of pizza, and continue living out of my own self-centered defense mechanisms.  I'd be fine never learning how to relate in a healthier way to God and to others.  I'd be unmotivated to better myself.

And God knew that.

So He gave me two beautiful little girls to "encourage" me to work through my crap.  If I want them to be confident women who love the Lord and others, I have to model that. 

Gulp.

I HAVE TO MODEL THAT?!

You mean I - the chick who hasn't willingly purchased a dress since my wedding gown 6.5 years ago - have to become confident in my femininity?  I - the tomboy turned wife and mother - have to develop godly female friendships?  I - the woman who thinks more about how others should be serving her than how she can serve them - have to develop a compassionate heart for those around me?

No wonder God makes babies so irresistible.  If He told us on the front end that having a kid would emotionally manipulate us into surrendering to Him for a lot of painful renovations, WE'D NEVER DO IT!

If God put all His cards on the table before we had a chance to fall head over heels in love with our little bundles of joy, that would be the end of the human race.  We'd refuse to procreate out of fear that our subsequent soul reconstruction would be too hard, too painful.  We'd live in that fear the rest of our lives, missing the innumerable blessings children bring. 

Even worse, we'd miss the innumerable blessings that follow cooperating with God to allow Him to heal our wounds.

Do You WANT to Be Healed?

If you've been on this planet for any measurable amount of time, you've been hurt.  You've been beat up emotionally by people who love you, by people who despise you, and by all the people whose affections lie somewhere in between.  People have harmed your psyche deliberately and unknowingly.  There is no escaping messy relationships.  I imagine that even if you holed up on an island all alone, eventually, your feelings would be hurt by birds that ignored you and volleyballs named Wilson.

These hurts pile up until we are so weighed down that we can't seem to do anything without our baggage making itself known.  In response, some of us quit.  We quit relationships and activities because we just know our baggage will ruin them.  So why bother?  Some of us try to ignore.  We press on in life, pretending that we don't have the baggage we know we do.  We act like we are fine, and it's everybody else who has problems.  But when we finally admit that quitting and ignoring don't help (in fact, they amplify the pain), we reach our last resort...  We seek healing.

We seek healing in food.  And in people.  And in success.  And in a million other places.

Turns out, though, we don't get healing from those things.  We get distraction.  We get temporary pacification.  We get physical and emotional pleasure.  But we don't get healing.

Our baggage needs more than chocolate, a significant other, or a promotion at work.

Our baggage needs Christ.

Some of you are done reading this.  But hear me out.

In John 5 Jesus bumps into a man who had been an invalid for 38 years.  Verse 6 says, "When Jesus saw him lying there and learned that he had been in this condition for a long time, he asked him, 'Do you want to get well?'"

I find it interesting that Jesus did not assume this man wanted to get well.  Apparently, some of us are not discontent enough with our wounds to truly desire healing.  And, at least in this case, Jesus wasn't going to force healing on him.

We get a choice.

Do we want healing or not?

The invalid did.  His response to Jesus was, "I have no one to help me into the pool when the water is stirred. While I am trying to get in, someone else goes down ahead of me."

The invalid wanted healing.  He pursued healing.  He put himself in the place where healing was likely to occur (by the water).  He tried to heal himself (by trying to get in the pool under his own power), but when that didn't work, he acknowledged he needed help.  

And you know what Christ did?  He healed the invalid.  John 5:9 says, "At once the man was cured."

AT ONCE!

So, do you want to be healed?  Are you pursuing it?  Are you in the right place?  Are you acknowledging that YOU CAN'T HEAL YOURSELF?  Are you asking Christ to do it?  Are you believing He can and will heal you from whatever colorful baggage you have?

It's possible.

It was possible for the invalid.

And it's possible for you and me.